CRASH MY NET FRIDAY with a hangover

I hope you weren’t scared of the monster with the fighting bears that Kim allowed to post on the blog yesterday.
But admittedly, he saved us when our lives fell apart, so I’m not going to complain. It was a good post. Let’s all give big hugs and applause to Kim for making sure everything was okay while I may or may not have been strapped to a log about to go through a massive table saw, or something.
I’m tired and my metaphors are bad today, so let’s get down to business.

Crash My Net Friday is back, albeit a day late, for your viewing pleasure. We have some new subheads for this mess. And hope that you do so enjoy.
Our first choice is albeit an obvious one, considering how often we have discussed that we want him to sweep us off our feet and take us far, far away, to the lands where winners are born.
We present, then, ladies and gentlemen:
MARK LETESTU CAN CRASH MY NET

I mean. . .why the hell not?
4 goals, 3 assists, and +4 in 8 games really isn’t bad, especially for somebody who has no guaranteed spot in the NHL this year, is the sensitive age that is 25, and happens to be from the prairie wasteland that some glorify as Alberta.
He is doing so well in life. And would be such a good date. Clearly the times are a’changin’. He is also Aquarius.
Ladies, get in line.

BEST FEATURE

Not that most hockey players don’t have a genuine smile that warms our hearts like fresh-baked cupcakes, but Mark Letestu looks seriously genuine. He has probably never asked for ponies for his birthday. Just goals.

Every man wears happiness and confidence well. These are just facts of life.
If you want to get laid, act like Mark Letestu. You will.

LAST SURGE OF DESIRE

Center point on the PP? Okay. In your face.
We had five of Mark Letestu’s children between us before they started the clock again for the next faceoff.
And then we wanted to go at it again.

THE WHOLESOMENESS PART OF IT
Did you know that:

Mark Letestu likes to wrap Christmas presents?

That this interview could have been much more awkward if Mark Letestu hadn’t been so kind to the awkward child?
And that he has Tons Of Friends?
We wish we had Tons Of Friends.

WHAT HAPPENS THE MORNING AFTER

“You didn’t have to make me waffles. That’s sweet. I’m going to eat them anyway, though. Is there coffee? Heyyyyyyy”

In our mind, Mark Letestu is a nice person, who also knows that he is a Badass Motherfucker and doesn’t have to thank you for your waffles. Frankly, he expected them, but would never let this on.

CONVERSELY, WHO IS NOT EVEN ALLOWED NEAR OUR NETS


Surprisingly, the Blues roster is replete with people who we think would make brilliant net-front presences in our lives.
But we’ve settled on BJ Crombeen, just because if the romance was taken far enough and he proposed marriage, we would have to decline, on the possibility that we might ever be referred to as Mrs. Crombeen.

Sorry, BJ.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter how hard we are finding it to hate the Blues.
Jaroslav Halak will be in net. And we have business with Jaro.

Oh look you got dicked in the mouth by Hornqvist, too?
Too fucking bad.
Cry baby cry.
We’re coming for you, ScottTrade Center!
(God that hardly sounds epic enough. . .)

Anyway, put the coffee on, and hunker down for some good old Missouri hockey. . .or something.
Their coach is also named Davis Payne which sounds like a minor character from a Die Hard sequel.

Or something.
Go Pens.

Zoë

About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. every Penguins season is like Amundsen vs. Scott in my head.

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