Let’s be honest.
With the team functioning like this, there’s really no one who we don’t want to crash our net at any given moment.
But sadly, we have the painstaking decision to make of which one we would choose above all others. Our lives are so very, very hard.
Please direct some pity our way.
ERIC GODARD CAN CRASH MY NET
On Saturday he netted a 10:21 TOI, an amount of time almost unheard of for Our Favorite Eric. 17 PIM during the Toronto game, every moment of it spent not think about what he had done, rather what he was going to do the moment he got back on the ice with those motherfuckers.
Also, he winked at every single lady he saw in the audience on his way off of the ice.
Just because he’s a pimp.
Who doesn’t love the perpetually-high looking face that Eric Godard has?
Between that and his shit-eating-grin, we always feel as though he’s mildly confused, but with a horrible plan up his sleeve.
Man can rock facial hair like a rockstar. And chest hair.
LAST SURGE OF DESIRE
Fighting for your captain is much life fighting for your country, only slightly more important, and mildly more sexy.
THE WHOLESOMENESS PART OF IT
We all know how Eric is with charity and children. Seriously. It’s pretty obscenely adorable.
He’s also been known to win the team’s “Edward J. DeBartolo Community Service award”, for his “exceptional effort and time committed to community and charity projects.
We’re pretty sure that means he’s the Greatest Human.
And just in case you forgot:
WHAT HAPPENS THE MORNING AFTER
“Hey baby, how you doin’ girl? I’m going to make a t-shirt with your name on it and wear it around the mall so everyone will know you’re my lady.”
Eric is a simple man, and he feels as though his greatest contribution to your love are things he works on with his own creativity, displaying his own special level of love and devotion. He will always let you ride on his handlebars.
CONVERSELY, WHO IS NOT EVEN ALLOWED NEAR OUR NETS
No, Cody McCormick, we will not love you so long as you have that face and a name that sounds like it came from a Disney Channel Original film.
Please go away now.
Let’s do it.
Keepin’ the streak alive.