ever been ballroom dancing?

Well, this was nothing like it.

There was in fact a really high quality illicit feed of Pittsburgh’s CW up and running last evening, so we were able to see this affair in all of its glory, and we can tell you:
Everyone is on PCP.

Except Stevey, who only has to strangle a woman within inches of her life to attain his success nightly, and feel damn good while doing it. Unfortunately his supply of Pittsburgh hookers has probably moved on to greener pastures, so the Pens were able to pull it out towards the end, winning the game 3-1.

When the teams were actually skating, this had the air of a regular season game. When they stopped to air out their laundry it became not only ridiculously preseason, but reminiscent of bull elephant seals biting each other’s throats:

This possibly happened because Jared Boll was selling shitty weed.

Why on earth was Kris Letang so angry at Jakub Voracek? The world will never know. But Jakub got his ass handed to him.

ALASKAN STORM Tim Wallace fought Dorsett. It was kinda random:

But the real majestic event of the evening occurred when for some bizarre, unknown reason, Malks and Fat Rick attacked each other:

And Rick got his ass handed to him.
Frigging unreal fight, just for the fact that it happened.

Of course, some Pens scored:

And everything was generally a-okay.
The subservient bull elephant seals retreated into the surf and all was right with the world.

We have 150 Hair League entries btw. Exactly. We can accept 50 more before we have to shut the club down and put out the fire. Who’s in?
Bet everyone’s feeling a lot more confident about picking Ktang now, huh?
Well, it’s preseason. Don’t get cocky.

Final notes:
– Simon Despres is already awesome, if he does another year in junior he’s going to be a hot commodity. Develop, baby, develop.
– Ratchuk is a stupid name.
– Can we please continue to play Gary Glitter after goals? We need to keep some vestige of 90’s Pittsburgh skeeze in the building. Just insulting. Damon Albarn is for wins and wins only.
– The alternative three stars were eaten by this seal:



About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.