We’ve decided to try our hand at organizing a fantasy game this season, but it’s a little bit different from any fantasy hockey you’ve ever played before. We will be awarding fantasy points based on … hair. Seriously. We’re posting this way early so that we can work on the necessary technical details. We’ll basically be managing this the old-fashioned way, with a spreadsheet, because there’s literally no other way to do it, and we want the time to make sure everything is put together properly. Here’s how it works:
- If you are interested in playing, you must pick three players from the current active Penguins roster.
- We will assign points throughout the season based on appearances of each player’s hair.
- We will update points throughout the season for each player and post the top ranking entrants.
- There will be a grand prize winner and two runners-up. Prizes TBA but previous winners of Puck Huffers prizes can testify that we’re pretty good at them. PH Staff will be having teams but we won’t be eligible for prizes, obviously.
- One team per person, please. We’re tracking your IP addresses and if you’re seriously willing to cheat to win a hair-based fantasy league, you’re a dick. If we find out that you have cheated and your team has placed, we reserve the right to send your prize to somebody else.
- 3 points will be awarded for each video on the Penguins website in which a player’s hair is fully visible (no hat, helmet, etc.) The primary source of these points will likely be posted interviews.
- 5 points will be awarded for every press photo of that type that we can find (most likely on daylife.com).
- 5 points will be awarded for an intermission interview during a game without a hat or helmet.
- 10 points will be awarded for a player being seen in-game or on the bench without a hat or helmet. (3 points only if this is before/during the national anthem[s], between periods, or after the game has ended.)
- You may lobby for points to be awarded to a player if you find something that we haven’t seen–for example, if you are watching the game on a different network or you find a photo that you think is worthy of points in a magazine or different news site. Take a screenshot/picture for proof and e-mail it to us. If we approve the new source of points, the person who submitted gets 2 extra points awarded to their team, and every person who has the submitted player on their team gets the proposed points.
- If a player is put on LTIR, you are expected to submit a substitution. If you don’t, none will be made. The player can still earn points while on injured reserve through press photos and interviews and submitted material.
- If a player is traded during the season, you are expected to submit a substitution, but if you don’t, we will replace him with the with the person who has earned the nearest amount to the traded players’ points without going under.
- We also understand that at this point, the Pens’ roster for opening day isn’t set in stone, and that the roster fluctuates throughout the year. In the event that one of your players is demoted to WBS before the season begins, you must submit a substitution, or have your team disqualified. If the player is demoted during the season, you are expected to submit a substitution–if you do not, however, none will be made. The player can still continue to earn points, however material/photos from WBS Pens-related media and games will not count. The evidence of hair must appear during an NHL broadcast or on the Pittsburgh Penguins website. If the player is called up on another occasion he will continue to earn points. Go with your gut as to whether to substitute him or not–the substitution cannot be revoked if the player is called up again.
- 7 bonus points will be awarded on the last day of every month to each player who has sported a significant amount of facial hair (beyond scruff/five o’clock shadow) at any point during that month. This includes mustaches. 7 points only, even if he has a beard the whole friggin’ month–facial hair is not the heart and soul of this game.
- Points begin being awarded when the puck drops at Consol Energy Center on October 7th. Any pregame ceremonies/anthems/press circuses at that game will not count.
Like any fantasy game, we believe that success in this game will be due to a combination of knowledge and luck. You need to know what sorts of in-game situations are likely to happen to certain players, what their media presence is like. You could also benefit from picking someone entirely out of left field and getting lucky. Be smart, be lucky. Or just have fun.
Sound good to you? Thought so. Enter using this form:
Good luck to everyone.
May the best hair win.