God I love it when Pens bus issues make headlines. Someone get them Miss Frizzle and that magical bus. Engine troubles for the 198,773th time, but they made it to the rink. Apparently the boys were discussing taxis, but we totally know that KTang had this plan going through his mind:
Aaaaand yes, Clark Gable would be played by an especially salty MaxTal.
Triumphant Return of Brooks Orpik:
Dear Brooks and all future Mrs. Brooks,
Please consider this for baby’s first Christmas card. Sir, he has your eyes. Google Images, ftw.
Puck drops in Palookaville. The game of 0-0 commences.
15 minutes without a shot, Pens. Killing me. Killing this baby, too.
Dupes gets a penalty. Nothing happens. Orpik gets a penalty. Nothing happens.
The second starts and Adams and Crombeen decide to do the man dance. Sad fight. Craig, this is how it’s supposed to look:
Your fight? Look how you made Benicio feel.
Me too, Benicio. Me too.
Brent Johnson is a wizard. McClement and Oshie are out of their minds. Letestu is out there stealing pucks left and right.
Tangradi gets us our first PP aaaaaand nothing.
At this point I am staring at the screen with my Kristen Stewart face on. You know, the blank one. I don’t know why I had to clarify that. Sid gets into a fender bender, which sends Roman Polak to the dressing room. The second ends.
My mad search for caffeine begins:
Guesses on what happens in the third?
Ok, maybe an exaggeration. Letestu is called for hooking, Johnson becomes a ninja wizard, and Halak starts doing the worm to block Rupp’s shot which totally works, goddamnit.
TJ gets bitchy and high-sticks Brooks. On the PP: nothing. Suddenly Sid is fucking everywhere and for 2 minutes things happen! Wooooooo! Sid puts 3 shots on goal, Comrie floats in and things start to look up.
Then we’re back to nothing.
OT: Johnson v. Johnson. One must win.
Bad Johnson takes it all. BTW, “Erik” is a stupid way to spell your name, dick.
ALTERNATE THREE STARS:
3. Babies that may be related to Brooks:
2. The wall that I slammed my head into after the first:
1. The bus that obviously knew what was coming and quit before it started:
We’re debuting a fancy new poll on the right. Feel free to shower us with validation.