tk_from_up_top

it was a picasso tonight, steiggy

Okay, we feel kinda bad. We just dick whipped Columbus like really hard and it was kinda rude.

This is Filatov before a game in Anaheim. He saw Godzilla coming from there.

BEST SIGNS
broooooks
brooooooooooks_2
Brooks is looking pretty serene pre-game in the locker room. It’s almost like he knew that he was going to get drilled by Rick Nash 27 seconds get the uncontrollable urge to start eating souls.
As captioned by our friend Kristen on Twitter: “Let’s go wine tasting; I’ll leave my machete in the car this time.”
But we all know the truth. Brooks would never leave his machete in the car. It’s go time.

We then hear all about how Steve Mason is 6’4″ and 210 pounds. “That’s a big man,” they say.
The prostitutes of Columbus that probably escaped with their lives last night would concur.

BITTEREST REUNION
The ebb and flow of noise in the arena sounds like the direct aftermath of Antietam when not everyone had finished dying yet.
The Pens get a power play, the shots are already 0 to 5 in favor of them.
Paul Martin leads the rush, shoots a puck towards the net. Fuzzy Mike Commodore is there for the tip-in.
martin_one
that’s 1-0 Pens.
Steiggy and Bob start talking about the streak. SERIOUSLY GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT THE STREAK YOU MIGHT JINX IT.

BEST JOB BY ERIC
No one’s sure if the Jackets have a shot yet.
Bylsma puts the fourth line on the ice. Adams and Rupp battle for a puck along the boards, while Eric Godard lurks at the top of the right circle, ready to snipe a one-timer at the speed of light, or something.
Actually it trickles through Stevey’s five-hole and Rupp has to help it for the rest of its journey.
But I mean, come on. Eric Godard at the top of the right circle.
rupp
That’s 2-0 Pens, less than 10 minutes in.
Jackets subsequently go on a PP and I muse in my notes if we can get Eric a hattie.
Sorry, self.
Steiggy and Errey pass the time by discussing Sid’s mustache.

BEST DJ AT THE DISCO
Sid gets high-sticked, Pens go on another PP. Pauly gets alone in the slot for funsies. Stevey opens his legs.

3-0. Oh dear.
Columbus players congregate at the bench for an unofficial timeout or official What the Fuck Moment.

BIGGEST MOMENT OF UNREALITY
Steiggy is talking about tractor tires.
Letestu unleashes a blast from the point, on the power play again somehow, and Crosby deflects it in.
There are no photos of this bit of magic, and there were so many goals that we hardly remember it, so we would like to remind you to drink your milk:
milk
It’s 4-0. Oh man how we fear for what could come next. Especially because Stevey got pulled for Garon. Michalek almost snipes one, but you didn’t want to get too excited.

I MEAN IT’S NOT LIKE WE CAN SIT BACK OR ANYTHING
Errey discusses at intermission how “there’s so many ways to skin the cat.” We wish we understood.
Fleury comes out guns blazing to start. Jackets think they have some love that they can use to suss this out, but they are dead wrong.
Tyler Kennedy shows up, meanwhile we are just remembering that Ethan Moreau is a Jacket:

Dramatic camera angle alert:

Errey predicts a Fleury goal. No idea why. Two-goal lead with an empty net is the ideal situation with that.

MOST DEREKS

Technically one Derick and two Dereks but we’ll let this slide, Columbus.

Jackets get one. 5-1. No one notices?
the game is an exciting game of catch. everyone is falling over everyone else.

GUYS WHO STILL THOUGHT THIS WAS A PRACTICE DRILL
Pens get a 3 on 1 but Goligoski can’t catch up.
Then, Kunitz and Sid get some kind of 2 on 1. Kunitz makes an effortless pass over the defenseman.
Crosby is doing layups.
There isn’t even a goaltender.
6-1.
crosby

Rupp and Boll fight over a minor weed deal.

O RLY
Engelland
7-1.
not even sure what reality is anymore.

Jackets scored in the third period, yeah, or something.
Steiggy and Errey then explain to the entire world that Pensblog Charlie is actually Bob Errey.
charlie_2

oh what a night
PENS WIN
7-2
happy
like a drunken hookup with an old best friend, something about this just defies possibility.

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

BEST SHOWING BY MARC METHOT

In this photograph, possibly re-enacting something from Paradise Lost.

BEST MUSTACHE POSSIBLY IN YEARS JUST FOR SHEER PERFORMANCE ABILITY
resplendent_stache
so wrong but so right.

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
1. Eric Godard – you know for the goal.
2. Mark Letestu – 2 ass, as we all know, equals 1 goal.
3. Bob Errey – obviously.  it is to him that we owe the title of this post.

No idea what happened, sorry this recap is a mess. But watching this game was like taking shrooms.
also, lots of hair points in the mix!

Pens have won 9 straight. Devils next. hm.

We believe.
Go Pens.

Zoë

About Zoë

living in Boston, chronically fussy, fills recaps with references to Robert Scott's last march and literary theory among other things.

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