Welcome to the first official rounds of Marry, Fuck, or Kill:
The PH Version.

Here are the rules, for those of you unfortunate enough to have missed this in the back of the junior high school bus.
We present you with three individuals and you must choose which you would marry, fuck, or kill. Simple enough.
The selections are intentionally difficult. Traditionally the selection consists of three people who are beloved by all and you must select which you would hypothetically kill, three disgusting humans and you must figure out which you could stomach to marry or make sweet love to, or three individuals who are ambiguous in worth and you must carefully justify your seemingly random decision.

Dudes, you are welcome to play.
In fact, if you don’t, you are probably a closeted homosexual.
If you are in fact a closeted homosexual, we suggest today be the day you show the world who you really are by picking the hockey player you’d most like to bang.

So, let’s get this started.
(We’re going to use recent photos, as using the best old ones seems unfair. PREPARE YOURSELVES.)


Sidney Crosby

Kris Letang

Sir Mario Lemieux


Teemu Selanne

Jarkko Ruutu

Miikka Kiprusoff

And, in honor of tomorrow’s game

Bryan McCabe

Darcy Hordichuk

Tomas Vokoun

Now, leave your selections and guilty explanations in the comments so that we can mock one another for our terrible decisions.

Also, the hair league has been updated so you can go check out how your team is doing and pray to the follicle gods to bless you with great bounce and shine. Also, in case you haven’t seen this hilarious article that we stole the Sid picture from, here’s the link. It’s been out there for a while, but we like to make sure you guys don’t miss things, just in case.

We hope that everyone’s weekend is awesome.
Go Pens.


About Kim

I bleed Pittsburgh but also blood and I need that, so please don't cut me.