Tonight was the first game of the Cup Finals that didn’t make us want to kill ourselves. Just all kinds of good action, and the right kinds at the right moments.
The Blackhawks really showed their douche tonight. Here are the Blackhawks who did wrong things:
Andrew Ladd (played for Burish, took some penalty)
Patrick Kane (still hasn’t showed up to the series from his date with some seventh grader with blonde-and-pink extensions; word on the street is they’re playing laser tag)
Dustin Byfuglien (purportedly missing but we can’t believe something that fat could get lost)
Duncan Keith (we love you Duncan but really?)
Antti Niemi (obviously failed to access Leighton’s secret Broad Street pudding bunker)
Marian Hossa (he apparently played over 18 minutes. We didn’t notice)
Based on his recent sass to the press, we’ve determined that he wants to have sex with himself in a pile of shit.
In front of a mirror.
example video from yesterday’s press conference here
that man is in love with his own diarrhea.
Jeff Carter heard you all wanted to have sex with him, so he tried to deliver by outworking Duncan at the Flyers blueline.
Ladies, open those legs.
The series is now a best of three.
If Adam Burish and his dongballoons have anything to say about it, it’s going to be wild.
blah blah blah
Reiteration: Patrick Kane was a Belegosting MINUS FOUR.
sooo much fail