All right NHL.com. All right. We understand you had to get something up quickly in the wake of Sid being a one-man wrecking crew of doom.
But you couldn’t have thrown the guy a bone?
Clearly there are very few awards that would be worthy of Sid’s individual effort this evening, but we have to honor it somehow, and Sid, consider this post our gift to you.
We really want to make the Pens aware of the hair league before the end of the regular season. Gotta get Sid out of that filthy hat from time to time.
But for now:
MOMENTS THAT WERE SURPRISINGLY PLEASING
Ben Eager got the first shot of the game, that could have been a horrible omen.
Then Sid gets the first hit of the night, it’s on Fatass.
Then Asham fights with Chris “Thick” Thorburn:
No clue what Thorburn is trying to do here, but we’re sure it’s something really important.
MEANWHILE, AT GENE’S FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE
Malks takes some kind of penalty. On the way to the box, he probably should have skated by Errey and been like, “Dude, don’t jinx it.” Because everyone jinxed it. JUST LOOK AT THIS PENALTY KILL 32 STRAIGHT PENALTIES THEY ARE JUST SO IN SYNC THEY KNOW EVERYTHING AND NOTHING WILL EVER STOP THEM EVER WOW WOW
That’s 1-0 Thrashers, kids.
BIGGEST ASSIST BY BEN EAGER
When Sid was like haaaay and chipped it towards the net and Eager tipped it in.
There are no photos, but this is an extremely troubling face by Sid, so I can’t think of a better place to put it:
And just like that, it’s 1-1.
MOST MOMENTS OF EPIC FAIL
Andrew Ladd with a hilarious tripping penalty on Ktang. It was like he didn’t even care about life.
The power play fails everywhere.
Then Rupp, cannibal that he is, tries to harvest Byfuglien’s fat for fuel.
The refs break it up. Period ends. No one is eaten.
NEW FAVORITE TONGUE TWISTER/ALLITERATIVE PHRASE
“Bumped by Byfuglien”
Where was Byfuglien this game though, other than being kind of indignant and hovering in front of the net when his team wasn’t actually passing to him?
That’s where Byfuglien was.
Whiffing on a one-timer and allowing Asham to send the puck up to Crosby, who was pulling an Ovechkin up by the blueline.
He opened Pavelec. Surgery.
GOAL THAT CAN’T EVEN BE DESCRIBED
Seems like Crosby’s line is out every other shift.
We want to see him out with Gene, but Bylsma won’t do it.
Brooks Orpik with some shot that probably would have hit Forbes Avenue if Crosby hadn’t. . .
what a fucking deflection.
Look at the highlight and prepare to come in your pants.
hats and scarves errywhere.
One of the best things about having this blog is getting unsolicited Blingees to our inbox.
Steiggy and Errey with Tobias Enstrom’s long stick.
It occupies the rest of the broadcast while the Pens preserve what Crosby has done.
Antropov scores at some point.
Letestu almost pees in Pavelec’s mouth, but naaaaah.
PERIOD OF MOST INTENSE PRESERVATION
The press really didn’t show up for this game, guys. They showed up for Sid. Sort of. Drunk. Scratched their balls all through the third peirod.
Zbynek Michalek and Max Talbot were making the kinds of plays you expect. Total midseason form.
Max blocks Byfuglien’s shot in the waning seconds. Gets back up. BUFF BUFF BUFF BUFF who are you?
Time runs out on the Thrashers, and you don’t even suspect for a split second that the Pens are going to blow this. You had a feeling.
MOST INTENSE FACE AWARD
Benji Mike Green creating the tying PP goal in Dallas.
This is the intermission interview before. Witness the indignant face.
And then like two seconds later Dallas went back and scored again.
ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
Brother Steven – for sitting down in Boston’s 8-1 dick whipping of Tampa. Stamkos scored no points. Crosby now has 44 points to Brother Steven’s 40, and they each have 21 goals.
Max Talbot – for the hero block
MAF – the Thrashers tried to be cute, but Marc-Andre was solid. Suck it.
The Pens will be in Columbus on Saturday.
Be still our hearts.