why don’t you just get the fuck out of here?

Last night was horrible. Let’s be honest.
You watched 40 minutes of this game and you were like HELL YES.
This is the team I know! Look at them go! Playing a real, live hockey game and not screwing up or anything!!!
Going into the third period with a 4-2 lead can indeed be tricksy. You knew Boston was going to fight back.
But there is no excuse–none–for the nuclear disaster of epic proportions that occurred in the final 20 of this game.
How do we contemplate this issue? We absolutely can’t give awards for it, that’s for sure. Normally we forego awards shows because we’re being lazy, but it’s fucking Veterans Day and I’m not doing anything special.
I just don’t know what to say. Do we rehash the good? Do we dwell on the bad?
We’ll get criticism either way. If we talk about the GOOD part of this game, we risk people being like, “WHAT THE FUCK BITCHES WHY ARE YOU NOT FOCUSING ON THE PROBLEM.” If we talk about the bad, people will be like, “OMG WHY SO SERIOUS.” I mean, there’s a reason this happened.
But I didn’t have the energy to contemplate it.
Instead I ended up watching The Strangers, which was strangely appropriate.
We were stalked by masked assailants all evening, until, in the penultimate moment, after this had gone on long enough, we just got stabbed repeatedly in our torsos.
True story.
5 goals given up in the third period? Are you serious?
Where are the TRADE BRENT JOHNSON assholes? Anyone?

The deer is key.

Asham scored his first as a Pen and played nasty.
There were fights.
Mark Recchi achieved all over our faces.

Malkin was a beast. Finishing even with 21 minutes of ice time when your team gave up 7 goals isn’t bad. Penguins were a -16 on the night. Malkin played hard.

He doesn’t have to practice today. He should do vodka shooters and watch an SVU marathon or something. We don’t care. He’s fine.


Running out of fun things to say.
Claude Julien’s face:

31.6% of you wanted to go on a date to a shady Thai restaurant with Milan Lucic.
Anyone have a reevaluation of this? We’re sorry about the poll. We’ll post a new one soon as well as hair league updates.

We will leave you with two things:


Cupcakes by @mybruinsoface and @xokathryn_. This may be part of the reason that the Bruins won. Baking cupcakes creates power.

Also, Asham’s face:



Get yourself killed?
We believe in the Pittsburgh Penguins. The whiskey has to kick in eventually.



About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.