You may be wondering why there are 66 o’s in the wooo of the title.·
Interestingly enough, Mario’s number just so happened to come up when I held in the o too long because I am drunk! I then thought it would be fun to point out an excess of o’s due to intoxication, but when I did a character count, it just happened.
Okay, first of all, HOW ABOUT THIS FREAKING WINNING STREAK?!?!?
We all know that the Pens were doing kind of shitty.
But now we are third in the league, and we will in fact be ignoring the whole part where we have 5 games on DET. Jerks.
Really, what you’re looking at is the crushing reality of the fact that you are following two girls (three, if you count our lovely intern) who are in school and currently facing finals time. This means stress, drunkenness, half-baked ideas, and strange sexual desires and urges to watch goalie fights on youtube until 3 AM while avoiding writing a paper for Patterns in Social Service Delivery or whatever they hell they call classes these days.·
Drink it in, everyone.
It’s something special.
So, here’s a half baked version of awards, just for you, because we don’t mind putting off that paper just a few more hours for a hockey game and some wonderful people (that’s you.)
MOST ALARMING TRANSITION
Well, even if this photo doesn’t quite show it, MAF has recently gone from your goofy older brother to that hilarious hot guy who sits diagonally from you in your history seminar.·
We’d never step on Veronique’s toes, but let’s just say we briefly had a time machine, could go back and make her have never been in his life, get with him around this time, go back, and put her back in his life, we would do it.
But really, those are the only circumstances. We love that lady. Deeply.
In fact, if she invited us…
Well. Let’s not go too far here.
THE STRANGEST PHOTO AWARD
EDITOR’S NOTE: THIS IS WHERE I WAS FUCKING WRITING THE ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS AND JOOMLA DECIDED TO DELETE MY ENTIRE POST OMG NOW I HAVE TO REWRITE THE WHOLE ENTIRE THING, I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. It is going to be so half baked from here on out, guys, seriously, I do not have all night to fight with technology.
Anyway, this photo is straight up out of a 1970s textbook on hockey.
From the chapter ” The 1-2-2 trap and how to bribe the commissioner with sexual favors.”
THE THING THAT HAPPENED NEXT AWARD
Something happened and then something else, and then press knew that this photo needed to be taken.
Tanger was a hero, to be blunt. When we needed him to be, because things had gotten kind of boring and scary.
OUR PRESIDENT AND SAVIOR
Conner scored a goal and was outrageous and awesome. No one took a picture of it.
However, a certain man that we elected into the office assisted, and then later went to arms for the sake of his country. Someone did, in fact, take a photograph of that one.
MOST WORTHLESS THING
No one took a picture of this, either, but luckily the same thing happened 364 days ago anyway, so we can use that photograph if we use some imagination and ignore some details.
ONLY INDIVIDUAL AWARD AND ALTERNATIVE STAR
The case of PBR I found in my kitchen.
For comforting me when Joomla deleted my entire post, and for taking the pain of writing a million papers away from me.
God, I am so angry right now. But at least the Pens are on a bitchin’ streak and it will continue until the end of time and I will never have to worry about anything ever again in my entire life.