and so we wept of joy

“BEEJ IN YOUR FACES” – the demure Ms. Mary

In ROOT Sports’ most valiant attempts to get you drunk, they gave you this:

They also gave us this, so from the bottom of our hearts, we have to extend a big, full shot of cheapest vodka:


No honestly, this game was just a dirty roller coaster ride of awesome.
The first period was tits as Canes fans made unintelligible moaning noises at every single whistle or movement from the ice surface.  Mental pandemonium, and Jeff Skinner is doing the hockey equivalent of eating a fetus as he charges around the ice with no regard for human morality.

The Staal brothers faced off.
A Staal won.
We are informed that Henry Staal is in attendance.
If you’re still conscious. . .

Jamie McBain almost singlehandedly destroyed our chances of winning.
He was like “I don’t have any goals.  But I’m going to go score a couple.”
He did.  It was terrible.  But Craig Adams, Arron Asham, and Pascal Dupuis were there to prevent that.
Craig Adams silently had 2 points, more than Crosby.  He might catch him for all we know.
But clearly we’re not having any problems with anything, because Craig Adams is present in our lives and that’s okay.
We may have lost Engo, which brings our “healthy badass defensemen” category even lower into the abyss.
But we’re really here.
We did it.  We won.

Sorry for the shitty recap, but our fave stream crapped out in the middle of the game and there was an incident with some fried rice that had to be taken care of immediately, lest it interfere with bourbon consumptions.
At least our screenshots are legit.
We will make a more comprehensive post tomorrow.
A State of the Union if you will.



About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.