In the absence of a recap for last night’s game, I bring to you once again: ANGRY FRIDAY
Things pissing me off this week include:
1) Dental work
I had to get another crown on my teeth this week. This is because I apparently cracked one of my molars. On what, I can’t possibly imagine.
These new adventures in dentistry come on the heels of my adventures last year, which included dental appointments approximately every three weeks for an entire year. And a root canal, which was better than a sharp stick in the eye, BUT NOT BY MUCH. And then I developed a little ball of scar tissue at the root of my tooth and needed an apicoectomy.
(Don’t Google that. You’ll just get depressed and grossed out.)
The worst part is that the husband hates my dentist and thinks she’s just trying to make me have unnecessary and painful dental work. He doesn’t understand how truly, truly terrible my teeth are. They are BAD, my friends.
I even have to brush with special prescription toothpaste.
If you learn nothing else from our blog today, friends, learn this: BRUSH AND FLOSS YOUR TEETH.
Bicyclists piss me off constantly. For one, I hate riding a bike. I crashed my bike super bad when I was younger, and so now I’m scared to ride a bike down hills, and SHUT UP I KNOW I AM A WEENIE I HATE BIKES.
I also hate when I’m walking on the sidewalk and a guy on a bike rides past me super close.
And I hate driving on a narrow Pittsburgh street and trying not to run over a guy riding a bike in the road.
And I especially hate how people on bikes aren’t quite pedestrians and aren’t quite vehicles, so they follow the rules of either whenever it suits them. If you’re a vehicle, you should stop at red lights. If you’re a pedestrian, you don’t get to ride in the street.
Oddly enough, when I was in Copenhagen, where there is a tremendous population of bike riders, the bikes didn’t piss me off. You know why? Because they not only have dedicated bike lanes, they have BIKE TRAFFIC LIGHTS. What a great idea!
However, that definitely doesn’t happen in Pittsburgh.
FUCK YOU, OBNOXIOUS BIKE PEOPLE.
I CANNOT STAND YOUR PRECIOUS FIXIES
3) MAF haters
I constantly have the following argument with my husband:
Scene: The Penguins are playing. The husband and I are actually watching the game together. MAF is in net.
The opposing team scores a goal.
Me: “Balls! That SUCKS!”
Husband: “FUCK YOU FLEURY GET OUT OF THE NET YOU SUCK!!!”
Me: “Are you serious? It’s one goal.”
Husband: “Yeah, but that’s how it STARTS!”
Friends, I grew up watching Patrick Roy in goal.
His son is a Canadian pop star. Seriously. I have his album. It is GLORIOUSLY BAD
Some days he’d just melt down completely and let in like four goals in ten shots.
Oh wait, wrong goalie
And some days he’d become a brick wall and stop everything from everywhere.
I am totally used to watching a goalie who is streakier than bacon. It doesn’t bug me.
The husband, in contrast, grew up watching Tom Barrasso beat the crap out of opposing goalies on a regular basis. I’m unfamiliar with Barrasso’s work, but I get the impression that he was a good, solid, reasonable goalie. Not spectacular, but not terrible, either.
As a result, the husband wants a goalie who is dependable and boring.
And it’s possible that everyone else in Pittsburgh wants the same thing, which is why you get those people who call into radio shows and howl for Fleury to be traded.
You know what, Fleury haters? Shut the fuck up. It could be so much worse.
We could have Rick DiPietro in net.