coming to you at the end of days

Sorry we haven’t been around for the past week.
We’ve been playing golf with people like Henrik Zetterberg and Mike Richards, who have booked our datebooks full with tee times, and bought us many a cocktail in order to apologize for their behavior this season and playoffs.
We’ve been trying to get tee times with guys like MaxTal and Marc-Andre, but, like we said. Booked full. Quite the scheduling disaster.
We are both in Boston, Massachusetts awaiting the End of Time. In these trying times we ask you to rely upon your faith in Curry above all things. It is this belief that will get you through Judgment Day and to heaven, where it’s always hockey season, and yet strangely warm, with no below-zero student rush lines. We believe this, and so should you.
For the Rapture, we will be traveling to Providence, Rhode Island, which, since it was started as a colony for religious faithful, might be the safest place on earth.
We encourage you to find religion before Jesus finds you.

Now, on to business.

First off, we mentioned earlier that we will be having some changes to the way PH operates, which will probably be for the better.
We will be seeking reliable individuals. Personal problems will be accepted.
We’ll be posting an intensive application later in the week. Tell your friends.

Last night’s game looked a little bit like a Penguins game if the Penguins had actually been able to shut out the Lightning. Which we all know they weren’t. With that wishy-washy power play and bubbling anger. It felt like home. Except Tim Thomas is fat, but kind of good fat.

That shutout’ll get you a Starter jacket, folks.

Jaromir Jagr could not be reached for comment. Seeing as Ray Shero has apparently never even met Jaromir Jagr, we’re fine with him avoiding our calls. For now.

Oh, hush. Any excuse to use this photo is a good one and you know it.

Also, Sharks. We don’t want to talk about it. Neither, we’re assuming, do they.
The Sedins can stop it whenever they’re ready.

We believe the End of Days will contain an endless rain of Swedes.

Zoë

About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. every Penguins season is like Amundsen vs. Scott in my head.

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