corn dish.

So it’s pretty amazing what this team can still do, ammirite? 
Yes.
 I’m wondering how long I can hold off on making this corn dish reference. 
This should be interesting.
Genuine “drunk”blog.

Red carpet, plz?

Why thank you!

WORST PEOPLE
The people of Ottawa are as worthless as this corn dish in a Pittsburgh area home:

Seriously Zoe and I laughed over this product’s existence for a good 10 minutes.
We’re Fayette County trash so maybe we just don’t get it, but really, are you certain this has to exist?

(Totally blew my load too early there.)

Anyway, they are all skipping about while the Penguins are brewing in secret hate for the Sens simply for breathing their air. Somewhere, this is happening:

In Zoe’s words, “What a cesspool.”

Then, Kovie comes out onto the ice.

Dapper, handsome, former Ottawa Senator and future Mr. Kimberlass.
These people have the sheer audacity to BOO THE LEGEND. 
Okay, Okay, Pens fans have a history of mild boo’ing at Kovie ourselves, but this is a fact I will ignore for shame, and remind all of you to never boo anyone unless they are fat, and I mean bad fat, not Rick “Diesel” Nash fat. (This is apparently his nickname, according to this tweet.)

Needless to say, we go into this game irate.
Luckily it starts off fast and we begin to think it could be a good, close game.
OH HOW THE YOUNG DREAM.

MOST DESERVING OF A HUG
Some nonsense happens for a while and we start to wonder what Diesel’s hoodie smells like, and then everything comes back to life and before we know it TK gets a beautiful deflection into the net from Paul Martin’s shot. 

Looks like Chris has a sad, but we’ll save our hugs for the President of deflections and President of our hearts.
Oh, okay, and for you CanBot.

(It was “Weird Amazon Product Day” today in PH land)

MOST FETUS-Y FACE
Just to make sure we were paying attention, before the end of the first period Deryk tells Chris Neil what is what. 

Seriously, Chris Neil, why is your face so gross and why are your hands so tiny and pale?
We disapprove, in general.

MOST DELAYED REACTIONS
 My feed of the game is so delayed from reality that by the time this happens for Zoe:

This is still happening for me:

What was happening was some rapid fire shooting.
First, a blast from Kovie ends up ping-balling around the net for what felt like an eternity, finally to be put in.
Shannon (her first name) ends up getting the goal back pretty quickly, but moments later Staal and Lovejoy make beautiful friendship bracelets on the ice, exchange them, and Lovejoy sinks a goal that makes our hearts melt.

WORST USE OF THE WAR ROOM
When we think of the war room, we like to think of it as the control room of a submarine under attack – all distressing noises, and men with glasses yelling at one another over screens as an alarm sounds in the background.
We really don’t see it as the type of place to examine obvious puck movements because some people will get pissy if we don’t do it.
No distinct kicking motion (obvs) means that Cookie gets credit for a little messy maneuver in front of the net.
Photos are sparse, so we’ll call upon this little number:

THE LEAST EXTINGUISHABLE FIRE

Michalek cannot be stopped recently, and that continued this evening as he sailed one past Anderson, acting as though he were simply brushing some dust off of his shoulder. 
 
BEST JOB BY KITCHEN APPLIANCES
Zack Smith, who feels left out because we never say anything bad about him, tries to pick a fight with every unicorn themed tool we have in our homes, which turns out to be a lot.



So regal.
Anyway, our kitchen appliances are having none of that shit, for the record, and this puts us ahead for the whole half a minute before the refs slap something onto Rupp, and then shorthanded for a moment after.
WILL THE SENS PULL IT OUT IN THE FINAL MOMENTS?

What, are you kidding?
It’s 5-1
PENS WIN.

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS
&
THREE STARS

Anyone who needs multiple items for one single piece of food gets both honors this evening.


HOW HARD IS CORN PEOPLE
(Apparently as hard as strawberries, because there are a few products to help with those too.)

Anyway, while we sit here, marveling at how retarded people are with food that comes from the ground that we have been eating since forever, please take comfort in the fact that our team is the shit and totally useful, like a good steak knife.
And we’re never losing again.
Go Pens.

 

Kim

About Kim

I bleed Pittsburgh but also blood and I need that, so please don't cut me.

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