It’s been over a week since the Winter Classic, and we now feel that we can examine this footage with an appropriate critical eye. And find the valuable nuggets of information therein.
1. Nothing like fake snow painted on turf to make it feel like winter.
2. We forgot Mike Green grew up in CGY. What is it with people from Calgary and Vespas.
3. Pascal still has pretty eyes even when his face is a little messed up.
4. Oh look, they found the one vantage point in Heinz Field where you can really see downtown. HOW QUAINT.
5. So this is what they meant when they said “CEC won’t have an organ.” So it’s not an organ. Keyboards are less clunky. SUP ORGANIST.
6. This Atlanta game feels like approximately seventeen years ago.
7. So, oddly, does seeing Sid play. And Mario literally says “c’mon Sid” on this play. Adorable.
8. When Nathalie gets dressed, she gets *dressed* Dear Nathalie, how did you get to be so hot? Love, PH.
9. Yet another perfect screenshot. Kuni is beautiful. Jordy looks sharp. And Gene is hilarious.
10. Jackson Cooke, do you want to be our wardrobe consultant?
11. OH MY GOD HE MATCHES HIS DADDY WE CAN DIE NOW BYE
12. These brief glances into the CEC parking garage are probably the only times we’re going to get to see the boys walk to their cars. Imagine the yells if Mattie comes out with Jackson in matching suits at Mellon Arena. Jackson would get to wave to the girls and feel like a stud. We miss the wall.
13. Ovechkin continues to be a useful locker room presence and flaps his junk around in this startling sequence.
14. HOW FUCKING OFTEN CAN THE POTOMAC POSSIBLY BE FROZEN
15. Overuse of Mike Green in this episode is possibly its downfall. Don’t even remember what he was talking about. Probably frolicking on outdoor ponds.
16. YES BRUCE THERE WILL BE A GLARE THERE IS A THING CALLED THE SUN
17. Thank god nobody wore eyeblack.
18. Bruce also calls his team “shitbums.” Amazing.
19. The Isles game also feels like forever ago. Can DiPietro get over himself plz.
20. We miss Sid’s stache. Not lying.
21. Yes, of course, Jordan wants to play in the OMG BIGGEST GAME OF THE REGULAR SEASON. We’re still trying to find out how more than team morale and 2 points is on the line in a Winter Classic.
22. Jordy’s hair cannot hide.
23. Rejean made a funny. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT DAN. Oh Rejean.
24. Bruce is still a picture of inspiration in those sweatpants.
25. Washington wishes it had this.
26. Of all the descriptors we’d use for Evs, “small head” is not one of them.
27. Nothing on this earth could make Eric’s face less pretty.
28. FUCKING FUCKFACE is the best insult.
29. And it totally got to Jordy. So sensitive.
30. Seriously, getting your team riled up by calling the opposing team “pricks” is such a high school tactic.
31. We never wanted to know that Campbell’s colleagues call him “Coli.”
32. Caps’ New Year’s party was lame.
33. Mike Green, we have Diet Coke and dinner every night. Please take that stupid scarf off too.
34. EXCUSE US WHY IS OUR CITY SO PERFECT
35. Aaand Sid looks 14 again. You’re welcome.
36. Epic cameo by the Carnegie Science Center.
37. Look at Alex, being all useful again.
38. No. Just no. Not allowed.
39. Sid is sick of you filming his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
40. Nothing gets us pumped like Craigsy’s face.
41. Whatever Bruce said, it was working, even though it sounded stupid.
42. Sid was already like, “Oh boy, what the fuck is this shit, better not look too cynical over here.”
43. We love this move by Sid.
44. Gratuitous fat goalie shot was perfectly placed.
45. IT’S WAY DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER REGULAR SEASON GAME PEOPLE. WE HAVE DRUMMERS>>>
46. Ted knew it was his lucky day.
47. Dan is the best-dressed coach in the NHL.
48. Ref telling Ovechkin not to leave his feet is hilarious. Everyone knows he does it. It’s a bad habit apparently, like nail biting.
49. Sid making points is hilarious.
50. Looks like a porn still.
51. Dear HBO, is there any possible way you can just give your cameras and production crews to NBC for their hockey broadcasts?
52. Pens lost because Danny said “fuck” too much.
53. OH LOOK AN APPROPRIATE TIME FOR AN AERIAL SHOT
54. Happy Gene is the best Gene.
55. When Max finally retires and becomes a color commentator, he’s going to have great fun mocking referees.
56. How easy was it to forget in our rage that the Caps got the GWG off of a reprise performance of Marc-André’s Behind-the-Net Adventures?
57. Still get pissed watching this play.
58. And this play. Hrrrr.
59. LOOK LOOK HE IS CLEARLY EXTREMELY CONCUSSED CLEARLY WANNA KNOW HOW I KNOW BECAUSE I CAN SEE HIM RUBBING HIS FACE ON TV
60. Didn’t work.
62. Ovechkin demanding that goal was laughable.
63. THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN A TEAM WINS THE JANUARY STANLEY CUP.
64. We wanted to win it too. But it’s whatevs.
65. BUD LIGHT TALL CAN DRINK OF CHAMPIONS
66. Somehow HBO has transmogrified Heinz Field into the “grandest stage” in hockey. Bullshit.
67. Oh that garbage at Heinz Field is terrible look how empty and sad it is everything is over no soul shall grace the interior of this stadium ever again OH WAIT THE NFL EXISTS NEVER MIND. sigh
We wish HBO could have stayed around a little longer to capture Danny’s postgame speech to the boys after the Wild game. But alas.
Heading to CEC tonight to see the Bruins.
Tuukka to get the start.
Let’s give the milk crates something to be afraid of.