Yes, there was a goalie fight tonight and it was GLORIOUS. But you have to wait until the last 17seconds of the game, so hold your horses. And DON’T scroll down to the bottom of the post, you fucktards! Jeez, have a little patience.
So, I was pretty psyched when Zoe tagged me in for this game. I wanted to recap a win and she hands me the Isles. It was like destiny. Yes, we’re down, what? 5 guys? But come on. We’re on home ice and the Isles are 2nd last in the conference. So, with cautious optimism, I set to my blogging duties.
To start off, Jordo is playing. Take a moment to thank Curry and sacrifice that virgin you promised him. I didn’t promise any myself, not for lack of Jordo love, but because I wasn’t really worried. You take a look at that footage and Prust spins in the wrong direction. For serious. Staal hits him with a left, and Prust spins to his right. Pretend to hit yourself in the face with your left. Where does your head go? Not to your right.
Besides, who goes down from one gloved punch? Prust, evidently.
Well, moving on now, because this game is PACKED with goodies that I need to share with you.
THE BEST DiPIETRO PLAYED ALL NIGHT
TK opens up the scoring on a rebound from Martin. Kind of a soft goal on DiP’s part, not heinous but still reminds you of how many MILLIONS OF DOLLARS he has sucked into his black hole of uselessness.
WHY DOES DP EVEN PLAY HOCKEY?
Kunitz comes into the zone with Dupes streaking to the net, so DiP cheats a bit, thinking Kuni will go for the pass. Wrong.
Kuni has scored a goal before. He acts accordingly.
Now this is a heinous goal. Kunitz nets it on the backhand, short side, from below the circle. That’s a goal that should never be. Way to drag down your whole franchise, DiP.
ACKWARD/CHARMING MAN LOVE
Rupp throws down with Konopka, but after Rupp lands a few good ones, they man hug for a while. Maybe Rupp was trying to comfort him with gentle whisperings. Don’t believe him, Konopka! He DID mean it and he probs WILL do it again! About the whole “You know I love you, baby.” thing, I can’t really speak to that.
Steigy and Errey try to make it less ackward by comparing the “in close” style of fisticuffs to old time boxing.
No one is comforted.
CBC conducted many MANY polls over the All Star Weekend, one of which asked the players which coach they would most like to play for. And who did they say?
THIS HANDSOME DEVIL
Yes, you! Silly.
Check it out here.
Side Note: The least desired coach is Ron Wilson. NO ONE wants to be a Leaf.
MOMENT YOU KNEW THIS WOULD BE A HIGHLIGHT ON NHL.COM IN UNDER A MINUTE
I don’t really understand the interwebs, so you get a link.
DiP-shit is such a failure. It turned out to be hilarious, but it could just as easily have been sad if he’d fumbled it into his own net.
The rest of the game features little shooting, little scoring, and lots of close checking. It’s frustrating. Especially for Talbo, who rings 2 posts. When you’ve gone 24 games without a goal, and 15 without a point, a post is like a hoof to the sack. Poor bastard. Atleast he’s beating Kunitz, who has only hit 1 post tonight. Of course, Kunitz had a goal in the 1st…
Side Note: One of the bullet points in my notes for tonight says “I love Kuni. More than I should love a married man.” Something in the 2nd inspired that. I don’t know what he did, but I’m sure he is deserving of my adulterous affection.
Last minutes of play and DiP is where he belongs: not in the crease. Adams feeds the puck to Max, who misses the empty net. >:O GAAAhHAH
So much frustration.
But Adams isn’t a quiter. At Harvard, He had discipline and work ethic beaten into him with a phone book. -no bruises :D-
So he tries again. Works hard to get the puck to Talbo, who…
Finally, he gets his 50th career goal and 100th career point. The crowd gives him a standing O cause they all know that this isn’t any old empty netter.
At this point I’m thinking “Yeah, that’ll do. I’m pretty darn happy with this game. 41 seconds to go.”
But, OH. No, no. The night is not over. No, sir.
FREELANCE ASS KICKER
Cooke is cruising by DiP, close enough to get in his space and be a bit of a douche about the inevitable win, when DiP takes a shot at him. I would describe it as an attempted clothesline maneuver. So Cookie gets laid out and there’s a big scrum in the corner. DiP is just kind of standing aroun, when he suddenly looks off, out of frame. He’s looking at Brent Johnson coming to do business, the business of kicking DiP’s ass.
Business is booming.
I don’t even have to tell you how excited I was when I realized what was about to happen. That’s because you felt it too. A goalie race on the weekend and now a goalie fight.
Truelly, Curry’s light shines down upon us.
Granted, it lasted about 2 seconds, but that was part of it’s charm. Brent landed 1 punch and DiPietro crumbled like Feta.
The Pens agree.
MAF steps in to clean up the last 16.5 seconds.
Blanked the Isles twice in 2 days.
1. Paul Martin : 2A, +2, 5 blocked shots
2. Craig Adams : ALWAYS a hero, plus he worked hard to help Max
3. DiPietro’s posts.
Now go have sweet dreams of goalies kicking the shit out of each other. It’s what MY dreams are made of.