hair league in crisis

Well, no, not really. The page has been updated and many of the names we are tracking are no longer permanent fixtures of the Penguins. Nobody even has the new guys on their team. If anybody wants to make any LTIR substitutions, now would be a pretty good time. You guys also better be on top of this shit at the deadline in case somebody else gets traded.

click on this. This is the latest points graphic. Do you think we’ve missed something? If so, let us know. We meticulously track instances of hair during broadcasts and anything that shows up on PensTV, and if we missed something we deserve to be punished.

Here’s your top 25 graphic. Note that there are over 100 points between #1 and #25.

Let’s have some fun:

  • Of the top 25 point-getting teams, 8 of them (32%) are owned by dudes (we think). Good job, guys.
  • There are 2 teams tied for last place, having earned 179 points so far. They both consist of Sidney Crosby, Jordan Staal, and Mike Comrie.
  • So far, only 1 person has submitted otherwise unknown material to us for bonus points. They are in 143rd place.
  • Last place, by the way, is 156th. There are 156 total hair teams. In case you forgot.
  • The highest-ranking team to not have Pascal Dupuis consists of Sidney Crosby, Brent Johnson, and Kris Letang.
  • Jordan Staal, as you might notice from the first graphic, only has 19 fucking points.
  • Mike Comrie still has 52.
  • Brent Johnson could save your team from certain death. He has 252 points mostly because he doesn’t wear a hat on the bench.
  • Other than Brent Johnson, the player with the most points for being seen in-game without a hat or helmet is Deryk Engelland.
  • So far we have logged 586 total instances of hair for the Penguins since the puck dropped at CEC for the first time in October.
  • Maxime Talbot has received the 7-point facial hair bonus three times for 21 bonus points.
  • Sidney Crosby has received it twice for 14 points.
  • Someone still has Nick Petersen on their hair team. We don’t even know. Nick Petersen is in fucking Wheeling right now.
  • Surprise pick of the year is probably Ben Lovejoy who has a healthy 122 points.

Interested in knowing anything else? Feel free to e-mail us.

go pens.


About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.