The All-Star Break is upon us. The ASG is on Sunday. Sid and Evs are both going to miss it. ‘Scuse us while we create a conspiracy theory about how Sid hates America and is holding Malks hostage in his dungeon of hate. DUNGEON OF HATE, PEOPLE~~~.

The most interesting thing aout All-Star Break is that Philadelphia finally caught up to the Pens in the games played column. Both teams have played 50. They have five more points than the Pens. If the playoffs started today, the Pens would have Washington. Every other series would be absurd. Especially Atlanta and Philly. But the stream of absurdity and IS THIS REAL FUCKING LIFE moments in the NHL this season would be nothing new. The storybook that was the first four years post-lockout for Pens fans has ended. Our identity must become about staying power, which doesn’t make as good of a Hollywood film, but ought to bring us veneration. Especially if we stay on-track. Especially if Sid and Evgeni can both return to the lineup after break ends, or soon after. Staying power, people.

Hair league updates for all!
My personal call that Sid would be a sleeper pick due to the barrage of press that would be all up in his business during All-Star time seems to be a complete bust. If he’s giving any interviews, he’s going to be wearing a stupid hat, probably. Sweatpants city.
Hopefully he doesn’t bore into our souls with this look anytime soon; Google image search trying to kill everyone:

All-Star festivities will be covered in classic snark fashion.
The portraits from All-Star Weekend are our version of Fashion Week.
Fuck New York.
This is especially apropos because our next 3 games are against New York teams when we get back from break next Tuesday.

We gotta own this runway.
Go Pens.


About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.