Tatooine

i wish it was october 8

Hello, friends.

What a long, awful summer it’s been. I mean, I hate summer anyway; something about my own personal chemistry makes me susceptible to things like heat and humidity. Which are things that we have no shortage of, here in Pittsburgh. I’m so glad I don’t live in the Star Wars universe, because if I ended up on Tatooine, I would straight-up kill myself.

My own personal hell

I say “long” because it truly feels like it’s been forever, and “awful” because of all the hockey-related tragedies that occurred. The worst of which was the Lokomotiv plane crash. I can’t even think about it without getting really, really sad.

If you want to do something to help the families of the victims of the crash, the Coyotes wives’ association has set up a charity effort. You can find more information at the Love for Lokomotiv website.

(No picture here; none can convey the feeling that this gives me.)

(And yes, I totally spent my birthday money from my husband’s grandmothers on a Lokomotiv bracelet.)

Anyway, on to other topics. This game is not one to which I was looking forward. Minnesota is basically the Devils of the Western Conference. I think I have actually fallen asleep at an Avs-Wild game, due to the high propensity of neutral-zone trapping and the excessive amount of BORING.

Due to a convergence of factors, including a migraine last night causing me not to be able to do anything but go to bed at 9:30 like a loser, a meeting of like-minded ladies convening to talk about needlework, and a dog that whines like crazy to go out about every half-hour, this recap is not going to be nearly as complete as some. To which I say: first, it is the preseason, and second, I also have a life outside of hockey fandom.

Today’s game was free for the kids. I guess it’s nice to do things for kids, but I definitely share George Carlin’s opinion of children in general.

“It’s all you hear in this country. Children! Help the children. What about the children? Save the children! You know what I say? FUCK THE CHILDREN!”

I miss you, Mr. Conductor

They’re getting entirely too much attention!

So I’m pretty glad I wasn’t there and was instead driving home and then at my house hanging out with the dog.

In lieu of strict play-by-play commentary, here are my general observations.

It is awesome to be awesome at killing penalties, but I think we’d rather not be getting penalized in the first place.

Cal Clutterbuck was cited as “a key player that is missing.” Is it him or his mustache that Steiggy pines for? To be fair, it is a fairly epic mustache. I think it has its own Twitter account.

Beware the Clutterstache

This is seriously the best picture I could find of Cal Clutterbuck doing something related to actually playing hockey and not just getting smashed into the boards

Eric Tangradi is proving to be a worthy man to wear the #25. I don’t think Zoë will ever really get over the loss of Max Talbot to the Flyers, but Tangradi is doing his level best to make her feel better.

Holy crap, did the Penguins actually score on the power play? Constantly? It’s definitely too early to say that things have turned around completely, but I am hopeful that the power play won’t be the butt of every single joke I tell this year.

Four power play goals on twelve shots? Are we that awesome, does Backstrom suck that bad, or is it both?

I love Pascal Dupuis and I’m super glad we managed to re-sign him.

You beautiful man

I would like for it to be hugs time now, please

Geno is BONKERS. I don’t think it really needs to be called out again at this point; I think it’s understood. He’s amazing and we all know he’s amazing. I hope he continues to be amazing for the rest of the season.

Joe Morrow is a beautiful man. We love him. I think I’m going to adopt him as my Age-Inappropriate Man Crush for the duration of the season.

Hello, sweetie. Why don't you come to my place and we'll hang out sometime?

Sorry, Jeff Skinner, but we can still be friends, right?

OMG JEFF TAFFE IS IN THE BUILDING

We managed to make it through this game without seeing Guillaume Latendresse’s ballsack, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there the whole time. Lurking. Like…a lurking thing. Sorry, I guess that migraine ate my creativity this evening, too.

In closing:

Thiessen be with you.

Go Pens.

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