With LaPierre traded, and Markov, Gorges, and Hamrlik out with injuries, the Habs don’t quit look right. That would be awesome except we don’t look right either. With Cookie absent and Crosby injured, you’ve got a bad feeling about this game.
Wait, WHO is injured?
MOMENT YOU THINK THIS GAME IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE A KICK IN THE SACK
ZOMG WHERE IS SID?!?! Cue the buckets of tears. BUCKETS.
After a hit from Victor Hedman in Wednesday’s game, Sid is out with his very first concussion. It’s sort of like baby’s first steps, except HORRIFYING.
Yeah, I would scrap book this memory right beside First Stanley Cup and First Real Facial Hair, if only this didn’t make me want to puke.
Estimate time of return: 1 week
Cookie is also missing, but that doesn’t really induce the same panic driven hysteria. It is a downer though and he’s home for “personal reasons”, so let’s all take a second to feel sad and hope everything is fine at home for Cookie Monster.
MOMENT YOU START COVERING YOUR SACK
Errey is kind enough to inform us that BJ has never EVER beaten the Habs. Ever. He did note that Price is a “pretty darn good goaltender” though. Thanks for the confidence booster there, eh. Not like we were a little on edge or something with Sid being out.
IS NOT HERE
MOST ENDEARING SAD-BROWS
We score early and you’re never going to believe this. It’s Asham, I shit you not. This is the point where I would continue to poke fun at him, but he was actually really solid this game. Also during his interview with Dan during the 1st intermission, he was so damn humble and awkward that it can’t help but love him. Between his slightly lopsided smile, that HAIRBAND, and the way he always looks like someone just stole his lolly, I just want to give him another goal and a pat on the head. And another lolly.
FUGLIEST KOSTITSYN (NOW THAT’S FUGLY)
Letang full out trips Kostistyn who’s on a break away, but the refs were too disgusted by Andrei’s Hunchback of Notre Dame mug to look at him, so no call.
No, not that one. You’re looking at Sergei because you subconsciously refuse to look at Andrei. Andrei is the poor bastard with a bald spot at 25.
Errey and Steigerwald spend a while talking about how awesome it is when Crosby is playing, how not awesome it is to be without him, and how much more awesome it would be if he were here.
IS STILL NOT HERE
IF YOU HAVE TO STARE AT CAM’S ASS, THIS IS THE WAY TO DO IT
Made my night.
1st period goes to the Pens, outshooting the Habs 13-5. Can we call that a game now? No? Damnit!
BEST REASON FOR WATCHING THIS GAME
Geno gets some chances. Stuff happens sort of. But I’ve got to be honest, I’m getting bored. Someone needs to put Cammy into the bench again. What’s that Dan? Hal Gill is on the front cover of the Quebec edition of Elle? Not bored now.
There is no hiding the fact that this is ridiculous. ReDONKulous even. Gionta is owning that ‘formal leprechaun’ look and Camel is clearly shooting for ’85 year old who plays canasta because his arthritis can’t handle shuffleboard anymore’.
To Hal’s credit, no one on that cover rocks urban chic as well as he does. Of course, that’s like being the hottest contestant on The Biggest Loser.
He is wearing a really nice jacket though. Srsly
GOAL I MOST WANT TO SKIP OVER SO IT ONLY GETS 1 LINE
The Habs are gradually picking up momentum, but it’s okay because the Pens are doing nothing about it. Nothing at all.
Aaaaaaaaand Pouliot picks up a rebound to tie it.
And the downward spiral continues in the 3rd.
BEST JUMPING JOHNSON
Cammy goes sliding into the net, but thanks to an interception by Orpik, the puck doesn’t. However, Camel (what a stupid nickname) did convert his attempt into this hilarious photo, so he did get something out of it.
Just in case you missed it the other eleventy billion times, Steigy and Errey remind us that Crosby was recently beat to shit 2 games in a row, is not here, and life sucks without him.
IS SOMEWHERE ELSE
And just in case that didn’t punch you right in the gut, we take a shit storm of overlapping penalties. 3 penalties in 1 minute, 44 seconds. That’s almost 4 minutes of PK and a full 2 of 5 on 3. All might be lost except for…
Thankfully Adams is a HERO. No, srsly. Like with powers and stuff. His superpower is to not have a broken body after lots of blocked pucks tried to break his body. Please come up with a better superhero name than Craigman. After all, the Habs only managed 1 shot on net during that whole flurry of feces.
OT & SO
Still tied at 1-1, we head into OT.
Geno’s pissed that Gionta didn’t take a penalty for poking his foot out from under him and his Russian Rage translates into some crazy tricks, dribbling the puck through the air to get past a few defensemen. It doesn’t actually work, but it looked cool. Johnson makes a big save and that’s the only shot registered in OT.
You can tell our boys are trying, but everything after the 1st has been like trying to pull up on the nose during the inevitable plain crash that is this game.
No one scores until the 5th round, where Pouliot puts it away and Kunitz can’t tie it.
Alternative 3 Stars
2. Duna duna duna duna Craigman!!
3. Elle Quebec
Don’t kill yourself. A 1 week recovery time for Sid means that it’s a mild concussion. Not a big deal.
I know, I know. I miss him too.
If you need a pick me up, please note that the Caps are currently in 5th. No home ice advantage. Drink in their pain. Drink it right in.
And who’s 1st? Oh yeah us.
Hot date with Mr. Clutterbuck Saturday