Tonight, the Pens had to be rescued by Prince Neal again, straight from the very cracks in space and time that some say lead to hell.
We did not weep, we did not lament.
We transcended dimensionality, and beat Martin Brodeur in the shootout.
Marc-Andre Fleury has a shutout for four straight years on March 25th.
We actually have a few questions about that, but something tells us that the Shadow Proclamation will stand in our way. What do you think, David Tennant?
right. We better not ask.
(AND BEFORE YOU GET PISSED AT THE REFERENCES FROM COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SEASONS, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT WE ARE TRANSCENDING SPACE AND TIME HERE)
And before you get confused and annoyed with all of the Doctor Who references, let’s move back to something we all relate to:
Omarion, former lead singer of B2K.
Every time Steigerwald mentioned Nick Palmieri, I thought he was talking about Omarion.
File photo: Nick Palmieri, clearly not Omarion
I am absolutely not shitting you when I say that very little occurred all game. Power plays were awful. Penalty kills were astounding, as usual. Penguins’ zone exit and forecheck were beautiful beyond all words.
Martin Brodeur was incredibly obese, but never looked quite at home in his fatness as he has in recent years.
There were posts, missed chances, a variety of awfulness.
4 shots combined in the first period.
Second period shouldn’t have even been played.
Third period had flashes of openness especially since the Devils’ defensemen kept ending up hurt.
Officiating was dreadful, and we learned of new additions to the NHL rulebook such as the rule that contact with Swedes is illegal, as is trying to play the puck with your stick.
It came down to shootout, AGAIN, which felt stupid as all hell.
Brodeur was good, but Fleury was better.
James Neal could destroy a paradox machine with his brain
Neal needs to look more excited and overwhelmed by pimp-strut.
Henri Cartier-Bresson not impress with this decisive moment.
Also: Comrie played today and didn’t take a giant dump on our hopes and dreams by existing, so we consider it an upgrade.
Real talk on Quizilla right now: which b2k member would you most likely have sex with?
Something actual that needs to be addressed here is the fact that the Pens are the hardest-working and likely the best-conditioned team in the NHL right now. They are tearing up a storm with a lineup that has no business being here. It’s a team that walks and breathes together, and always knows where every player is on the ice. Mistakes are made, penalites are taken, they’re far from perfect, but damn if this isn’t the best-executed system you’ve seen in years.
Pens didn’t clinch tonight, since Carolina won. Sunday is the Panthers.
Cue: the Panthers exist?