rolling over.

After this game was over I only had one thought:
33 shots?
Really?
Are they referring to Okposo’s bar tab? Because it certainly didn’t feel like there were 33 threats to our shut out this evening. MAF had it on lockdown, plus, well, The Isles. 
The awards are no less deserved.

BEST TELEGRAM EVER RECIEVED
Sitting down in your parlor, preparing to watch the game, you are hardly prepared for the message you recieve. 

GOD MAY BE ALIVE STOP. WON’T HAVE TO SELL THE FARM STOP. 
TELL TIMMY HE CAN GO TO SCHOOL THIS WINTER STOP. 
 
It may turn out to be a good day after all. Maybe God really didn’t forget about us. We still need some more proof, but this doesn’t hurt.

MOST MISLEADING BEGINNING
For the first half of the first period, one could get the impression that this was going to be a hard fought battle.
There are some equally promising scoring chances from both sides, including a sick little move by none other than Mister Neal. Malkin tries getting in there a little eventally, as well, making our hearts stop a little.
To see him scoring would be like warm halushki at the Polish Deli. We will wait until our number is called, thank you.

SADDEST MOMENT OF THE GAME
 When you remembered this:

HAPPIEST MOMENT OF THE GAME
When you remember you didn’t give a shit because we don’t need anyone who isn’t currently on our roster. Fools.

Brooksy and Dupes make sweet love, and this is the hard-earned money shot. 
Press with the assist on such an awesome photo.

GREATEST ACT OPENER
We love Nabby and all, but we don’t root against our team, ever, so when Park decides to score in the opening seconds of the second period and this photo emerges, we’re still in hysterics.

What a face.
What an enormous opening in your net coverage.
Sorry Nabs. For tonight you are a fool. But get back at us tomorrow night and we’ll show you how poor our net coverage is, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

MOST UNBELIEVEABLE
This is where they ran up the numbers on us, I think. 
By the end of the second, the score is still 2-0, but the Isles are allegedly leading shots 23-15. 
Really?
Because the only shot we really registered for the rest of the period was the one that will haunt Kunitz in his sleep. That PINGing noise will keep him motivated well into next season, we imagine.

BEST TIME TO GET DRUNK
While we never support calling a game before the final buzzer (other than the obvious assumption that the Pens will always win, no matter what) if you are looking for a good time to get shit faced, it’s in the third period of an Isles game we are winning 2-0, with no real come back possibilities in sight.
The third period was fun, what with some solid chances from the boys, but nothing looking like it Could Be The End for our victory, making it an amazing time to start rapidly tipping back your Iron City so that you can be good and disgraceful for the empty net, making it a celebratory occasion that you really need on a Tuesday night.

Staalsy for the empty.

Pens win, 3-nuthin’.

INDIVIDUAL AWARD

MOST MISLEADING

For makin’ it look easy.

ALT THREE STARS

1. Malkin
For showin’ up. But seriously. Thank you for showing up.

2. Nabby

For showin’ up just enough to keep it a little interesting, but not enough that we didn’t crush your spirit.

3. Zoe

For sending me an email titled “Important video of Crosby slicing tomatos.”

And with that, please have a magical evening knowing that Sid is eating a healthy amount of vegitables and metal shavings for a boy his age, and that the Pens will never lose again.

Go Pens.

 

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