First of all we would just like to say that in our pregame meeting with both teams, this is not the outcome that was discussed.
Last we spoke with them, the Pens were pumped and ready to go, and Rick Nash was promising that he would not give us any trouble, knowing that we are terribly upset about all the injuries.
From what we understand, the deal went sour.
Maybe Steve Mason is no longer threatened by our blackmailing him with pictures of him OBVIOUSLY WEARING MANDLES, CARGO SHORTS, AND A TWINE BRACELET.
He thinks he can say he plays for a Western conference team and get off the hook for this, but as we explained to him, he is not actually in any western place at all, letalone coastal California.
Or maybe Rick Nash figured out a way to get his own cake.
We’ve been holding him in our grasp for eons with our secret Puck Huffers Magic Carrot Cake recipe.
Curry forbid he discover our secret.
Or, perhaps, Dorsett is very accurately calling our bluff that we’ll turn in the stacks of evidence we have against him concerning a few felony charges.
Whatever the case, this was a fluke.
One that was about mandles and cakes and a Dodge Durango that went missing on April 18th, 2010.
It’s nothing to get down about in these trying times.
And thus, as always, this game is a red carpet event.
MOMENT YOU WERE PRETTY AMPED UP FOR FROM THE BEGINNING
Maybe it’s the fact that we’re so close to Columbus that they have an oddly large rivalry with us considering we’re across the conference line.
Maybe it’s because when their arena hosts the Pens, it’s the only time they can sell out.
Whatever the case, these guys don’t like one another too much. We bitches here at PH love the Pens and think the BJs are cute, but in the end, that’s not how they see one another.
So, when a tangle in front of the net involves Derek Dorsett, you’re looking for something to start. And Benny Lovejoy steps up to the plate.
They go at it for a little bit, and we’re all pretty pleased to be hockey fans.
The relationship between the NHL and fighting in games is tenuous at best, so let’s enjoy what we see.
THE GOAL WE KNEW WE’D COME TO LAUGH ABOUT
Brassard and Nash do something that is actually pretty clean, but we’re just going to assume that it was terrible luck on our part and we’ll pick it up in a minute.
It’s the Blue Jackets for Curry’s sake.
Get a grip people.
We’re gonna get this one back before ya know it.
THE MOMENT WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE LEAST
Brassard is in love with Tyutin, Cookie finds out about their love affair, and it all results in a whole lot of penalty time that people will probably go to their graves upset over.
No photos of this treasured moment exist yet, so all we have to say is
THE MAN WHO WILL NOT BE THE SCAPEGOAT FOR THIS LOSS
MAF is a hero.
He stones Tyutin at the end of the first, and Nash to commemorate the beginning of the second.
Remember that 3 minute PK? Yeah.
We have recording devices with all of you. Say one negative thing, you implode.
THE MOMENT YOU PAUSED, TOOK A DEEP BREATH, AND TRIED TO CONVINCE YOURSELF IT WAS GONNA BE OKAY
Pahlsson gets a garbagey goal off his body.
You aren’t too pleased about this, but remind yourself that it will all be okay and that Curry loves his little children, all the children of the world.
Just in case you’re down just thinking about this time, here is a photograph that is not of the event, and is instead quite delightful.
Okay, so, 2-0, we can do tha-
MOMENT YOU STARTED TO WELL UP AND WONDER WHY THIS WAS HAPPENING TO YOU
Time flies while you are waiting for your team to come back from a two point lead.
These goals are seperated by a lot of time but feel damn near consecutive.
This is when we start to realize the deal had gone sour.
All the fighting, the three goal defecite…
This was starting to feel like deciet. We released the scent of carrot cake into the visiting bench in hopes we would distract Fattie. We also use this in extreme cases with Chris Osgood and various other NHL fatties. Always remember to install your cake scent simulator.
BEST USE OF CARROT CAKE SCENT
The President takes advantage of the weakened state of team CBJ.
We thought it may be the guys getting back in line for a second, but as we know now it was just a brief lapse into cake haze.
There’s no picture as of yet, so take this first period photo and pretend that THIS goal worked, and it almost makes it worth 4 points.
THE MOMENT THE DEAL WAS PRETTY MUCH SEALED
We hate to call it a game before the time guys do it for us, but our comeback frame of mind was kind of blown after this one.
BEST DEATH RATTLE
If it was all for this photo, it just may have been worth it.
Jackets 4 Pens 1
THE COLOR US SURPRISED AWARD
Press missed a few chances but still made good on some other opportunities.
We’ll take it.
ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
All three are distributed among the boys of the IR, who need some lovin’ about now.
Our team is beat to hell and back, but after the smoke has cleared and we push some wreckage out of the way, we can see that our team goes deep.
We don’t make it all the time due to bad nights, screw ups, and deals gone bad, but we’ve got a lot to be happy about as fans.
Don’t get down – this is when it gets hard.
Luckily, the Pens are never losing again.