Staal vs. Staal Live Chat

Well, the day of destiny has arrived fairly quickly, and the only questions left involve the viability of the Penguins without Crosby and Malkin in the lineup, and how kind Steiggy and Errey will be on our livers. Chat opens at 6:30pm EST.

We have additionally reproduced the drinking game rules below, in case you need help. Edited to be played with just a mixed drink as opposed to shots, since we’re not seeking the joys of getting completely and utterly wrecked this evening:
Drinking begins at puck drop. If there is anything during pre-game, you’re just going to have to bite your tongue because you at least want to generally remember the game, don’t you? Well, maybe not. But we kind of want to know the result without having to check tomorrow morning.

One drink to be taken if:
– it is mentioned that the Staals are brothers
– if it is mentioned that there are other Staals, not present, who are also in the NHL
– if a phrase such as “sibling rivalry” is used
– if it is pointed out that BOTH STAALS ARE ON THE ICE
– if anyone mentions the sod farm
– if any random facts are introduced about the present Staals or the Staal family
– if the Staal parents are mentioned
– if any Staal reference occurs that would simply not occur in a one-Staal game

Two drinks to be taken if:
– a comparative Staal brother graphic is shown on the screen
– if they are verbally compared AT LENGTH by the announcers (use your own discretion in deciding what “length” is)
– if a video clip of the brothers/family is shown
– if an interview with a Staal brother happens at intermission (add an additional drink if the Staal brother is asked anything about playing against his brother
– if the Staal parents are in attendance (this cancels out taking a single drink if the parents are mentioned, but not if they are mentioned separately from the fact that they are in attendance)

Drink at will if:
– there is an intermission feature on the Staal brothers
– there is a mention of a Staal on Staal play, such as a Staal delivering a crushing check on another Staal, or a Staal being stripped of the puck by another Staal
– if the game is over and the team you were rooting for shit its pants

Stop if you feel sick/want to stop. We will not be held responsible for any shit that happens to you playing this game. You play at your own risk, kids.


About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.