The Penguins were kind of in a weird place where they didn’t look 100% like a real hockey team all the time and there were all these depressing stats about how the Pens lost every single game ever to every team that has ever been worthy of the playoffs.

Well, tonight the Pens hung with the team that had the top spot in the NHL. They managed to control the play for the most part, alongside some puck sweet-talking by Marc-André.
Of course the Blackhawks were going to come out flying in the third, but all we had to do was hold them off, I guess. Or some shit.

Engo is probably going to be suspended for some awkward, probably unintentional high hit that he landed (and then had to fight a guy over it).
But, the gods have given us this photo, which means something pure and good game from the incident:

We also did, however, receive the Most Awkward Photo OF ALL TIME:

Which is also kind of adorable and possibly a lost vignette from Sebald’s The Rings of Saturn.

Our favorite moment of the game was, however, Ben Lovejoy’s assist to Tyler Kennedy, which will go down in no NHL history book but be remembered by anyone worth being friends with.

Basically everyone can suck it except us tonight, because we did A Good Thing compared to the last Good Thing we did, which was blow out a broken man at the end of his rope. Not that Ray Emery is the pinnacle of emotional stability, but it’s not like he played badly.
Even despite the fact that James Neal apparently had his way with at least one official’s teenage daughter in the back of a convertible in Miami or some shit. He even scored a goal, because we’re that pimp.

WOOOO WHATEVER about as excited as we’re going to get about a game in December that we didn’t even get to go to. WELP.
Fleury was amazing, did we mention?

Protip: booze anytime you have to deal with Patrick Kane on your TV.
Go Pens.


About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.