Earlier today when you heard that Malkin and Staal were BOTH game-time decisions, you probably had two schools of thought on the matter.
One was: fuckkkkkkkk.
The other was: WHAT IF WE MARCH INTO THAT ARENA AND BEAT THEM IF JOE VITALE IS OUR TOP LINE CENTER!!!!!!!
Luckily, Malkin and Staal played, but there wasn’t much else to it. Malkin scored a gorgeous goal after one of the most boring and bizarre first periods of all time, where neither team could manage the puck and everyone looked like they were expecting iced doughnuts to start raining from the ceiling. And by “everyone” we mean Jimmy Howard.
Oh but yeah that Malkin goal, it was pretty good:
Man on the glass reaching out towards faith and love.
However, this was a final-seconds-type goal, and it’s kind of hard to ride the momentum of that between periods in the middle of December when your injury/depth situation is balls and a half.
The second period featured Malkin and Neal in particular trying to destroy everyone’s lives. This play alone was captured at every angle by photographers of the World:
We still don’t know how it doesn’t go in.
check out Neal’s face. The gingerbeard is trying to achieve the Beyond.
But Datsyuk got free in the slot, as he is wont to do when the Penguins commit turnovers in their own zone:
It was all downhill from there, even if Malkin did have 9 shots (at least) and almost score fifty million times.
Everyone tried really hard.
But there were just ridiculous situations.
ROOT Sports missing a power play goal after commercial from Johan Franzen, so we don’t even know how bad it really was.
And getting our asses handed to it by Chris Conner on an odd-man rush.
At least no one scored anything off of Holmstrom’s butt:
We have this picture of Ty Conklin on the bench with this clipboard, which suggests that the entire Wings organization may be a puppet regime led by Ty himself.
This is an untested theory which will be proven soon.
ROOT also dabbled in the Creepy Torture Porn industry by showing us a slow-mo hair shot of Professor Kronwall.
Also, our goalies still love each other and have their shit together, so that counts for something.
As soon as the team decides to wake up and come to play again (and our defense gets sort of healthy and less rookie-ish), the riches will be strewn across the lands for all to see.
For now though I guess we have to deal with the crazy.
We will though, and we’ll come out on top.
Like we said last time we lost to the Wings, Never Losing Again.