wait. . .this is a sport, right?

Yet again, Sidney Crosby and his concussion are causing problems and apparently threatening the integrity of the NHL All-Star Game. You’ve probably already heard all the fuss about this. But, you also have Nick Lidstrom calling Sid the best player in the game. And if you don’t like Sid and you don’t like Nick Lidstrom, you probably like Mike Richards or something. Whatever. Point is: head injuries aren’t funny, or cool. And Sid’s anger isn’t likely to be with the league disciplinarians. If he hasn’t burned down Colin Campbell’s office yet about the shit that happens to him, his teammates, and his friends, it’s probably not going to happen.
And yes, we think Sid has friends, even though we think he probably spends most of his time eating pizza and watching Gossip Girl. At least, that’s the sort of soul we see him having beyond the surface.


But enough about Sid, what else is going on in the world?

Jarome Iginla is skipping the All-Star game to spend time with his sick grandmother.
What a dickbag. He isn’t even injured!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, really. Get well soon to Jarome’s grandma.
What we learned from Flames TV: injury or illness on the part of oneself and/or one’s loved ones is evidently a reason to miss what is basically a party with a photo shoot and a fake hockey game. Listening to the way everyone is talking about Sid, you wouldn’t think so. But I mean. HE CAN’T REALLY BE THAT HURT CAN HE?

Sorry, we’ll try to turn off the snarkgun.

Adding to the various blows to the Penguins, Malks is now out with an undisclosed injury.
Summary: :/

In all seriousness, the HONDA NHL SUPERSKILLS might actually be trying to piss us off with the event entitled G Series NHL Skills Challenge Relay:
This new event for 2011 will feature 16 players from each team, including two Rookies and fourteen All-Stars, in an all-around competition that will showcase the one-timer, passing, puck control, stick-handling and accuracy shooting in four exciting relays. In the one-timer event, three shooters (with the assistance of one passer) must score three goals over an eight inch barrier; in the passing event, one passer must complete a pass into each of the six nets set up around the rink; in the puck control event, one skater will skate through a series of cones while keeping possession of the puck; in the stick handling event, one skater will control the puck through a series of obstacles; and in the accuracy shooting event, one player will take aim at four targets. Each skill must be completed before moving on to the next skill in this timed relay event worth a total of eight points. Four groups will go through the relay — two for each team. The group with the fastest time will score four points, second place will score three points and third place will score one point.

It sounds like a physics word problem waiting to happen. “If David Backes is rounding Cone #6 and is at a 25 degree angle to Cone #5. . .”
Really. Kill us now.

Tonight, you can watch a choice of three bizarre games:
– Toronto @ New York Rangers. VERSTEEG RETURNS.
– CBJ @ Florida. LOL WHAT
– Minnesota @ Calgary. Might as well just take a Valium and get a sippy cup.

Remember, kids: you will always be mocked for your personal head injury. Get used to it.
Get well soon, Sid.
GO PENS.

Zoë

About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. every Penguins season is like Amundsen vs. Scott in my head.

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