asg_nhl

what is okay and not okay about what just happened

I ate a plate full of stomach-gnawing szechuan chicken at Quan’s Kitchen on Comm Ave., and then something called a “chocolate blossom” which I highly recommend. It appears to be full of chocolate.
While I was sleeping off the ensuing raging tummyache, Eric Staal and Nick Lidstrom picked their teams in a “Fantasy Draft” for the 2011 NHL All-Star Game.
Here is NHL.com right now. Click for full-size. This is basically any sane person’s reaction to anything, especially after sleeping through such a miraculous event.

We wondered who that high school freshman was sitting next to Brother Steven; then we realized it was Cammycakes and felt weird.

 Here is the team that Lidstrom selected.  Headed by a very large image of his head.  That is probably trying to kill us:

CAPTAIN: NICKLAS LIDSTROM
ALTERNATE CAPTAINS: PATRICK KANE, MARTIN ST. LOUIS
 
Forwards: Patrick Kane, Martin St. Louis, “Brother” Steven Stamkos, Henrik Sedin, Daniel Briere (no, we will not call him Danny), Jonathan Toews, Brad Richards, Martin Havlat, Anze Kopitar, Matt Duchene, Loui Eriksson, Phil Kessel
Defense: Nicklas Lidstrom, Duncan Keith, Shea Weber, Dustin Byfuglien, Keith Yandle, Brent Burns, Dustin Byfuglien’s ass
Goaltenders: Tim Thomas, Marc-Andre Fleury, Jonas Hiller
Rookies: Evgeny Dadonov, Oliver, Ekman-Larsson, Cam Fowler, Taylor Hall, Kevin Shattenkirk, Derek Stepan
Coached by: Peter Laviolette, Alain Vigneault
Everyone will wear blue and frolic in the sky.

Here’s the other guys:

CAPTAIN: ERIC STAAL
ALTERNATE CAPTAINS: RYAN KESLER, MIKE GREEN
 
Forwards: Eric Staal, Ryan Kesler, Alexander Ovechkin, Daniel Sedin, Rick Nash, Patrick Sharp, Jeff Skinner, Claude Giroux, Corey Perry, Patrik Elias, David Backes, Paul Stastny
Defense: Mike Green, Zdeno Chara, Marc Staal, Dan Boyle, Kris Letang, Erik Karlsson
Goaltenders: Cam Ward, Henrik Lundqvist, Carey Price
Rookies: Logan Couture, Tyler Ennis, Michael Grabner, Jamie McBain, Tyler Seguin, PK Subban
Coached by: Joel Quenneville, Mike Haviland
Everyone will wear red, and frolic in the fire, or something.

WHO TO ROOT FOR
No one.  Basically pick a player that you like and care about him as opposed to the rest of his team.  On principle, we can’t root for Team Lidstrom because of Patrick Kane, but they do have Timmy and Marc-Andre, which makes life hard.  Despite the fact that it employs Carey Price and Henrik Lundqvist, we’re going to have to go with Team Staal.  Corey Perry?  Why is he even an All-Star?  Confused.  Also, Subban still sucks.  But we’re running with it.

THIS IS SO PAINFULLY INCORRECT AND SHOULD BE TAKEN IN FOR SCIENTIFIC TESTING

KRIS LETANG’S HAIR:

SOMETHING WE JUST FOUND OUT, COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THE ALL-STAR GAME
Back in September, Ovechkin and Kovalchuk led a charity game to raise money for children affected by summer wildfires. We’ll allow it.  What a nice thing to do.

Tomorrow is the  vaunted Super-Skills competition and hopefully all the fucking beauty shots hit the stands.
Go Pens.  You can root for them in shifts if you like. 

Zoë

About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. every Penguins season is like Amundsen vs. Scott in my head.

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