full disclosure, guys

I watched this game in Plymouth, Mass. in a house full of Pats fans, and thus segued immediately from Pens/Caps into football, which apparently throws off my whole recapping reflex because even though I still believe that football is the Inferior Sport, that was a pretty fucking LOLtacular display of playoff football.
ANYWAY, DID YOU KNOW (A FORMAL LIST:
Kris Letang’s hair still causes wet panties in every state across the Union, even where prohibited by law. We’re not saying OUR wet panties, necessarily. Just occasional wet panties.
And I mean was that a sweet goal from the blueline or what. Commence moaning.

Alexander Ovechkin once looked at a tea cake this way. The tea cake was unavailable for comment and has been reported as seen running the streets of DC missing most of its icing.

We still look behind the Caps bench and are like OH WHAT IS THAT OH HI DALE. Bruce is missed and not missed at the same time.

The jury has been out for quite some time on Matt Niskanen’s hair situation. If you look closely, you can see why.




The Caps can play games all they want, but we know their true colors. Ovechkin’s game-tying goal ultimately meaningless.

Alex Semin scores like 2 goals against the Pens in his lifetime. Whatever.

Malkin setting up Neal for the game-tying goal is what religion is made of. Excuse us while we rub the savior on us. JAMES CALL US. GENE, ALSO CALL US.

TIME MAGAZINE COVER SHOT

Neal hanging out up high, above the circles. Shot. End boards. Gene. Gene always knows what to do. Always.


We live in a world in which there is love.
We wish Knuble would have scored more (i.e. instead of Ovechkin) to prove yet again that he deserves to be Captain of the Capitals.

Dale needs to get his mind right.
But we don’t care, because Today we are Better.

Also, lol Ravens amirite

GO PENS

Zoë

About Zoë

living in Boston, chronically fussy, fills recaps with references to Robert Scott's last march and literary theory among other things.

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