kill yourself and fuck your priorities

A point in Montreal is worth it.

Now, we know it’s really irrational to be so pissed beyond all belief at a loss in a shootout, but Montreal did their best to prove, yet again, that they are whiny pieces of shit. And we will never think that they deserve to win any of the games, ever. Not even ones against Detroit. Remember that time they beat the fucking Caps? We didn’t even really think they deserved that.

It seems like every Habs game in MTL of the last few seasons though has a distinct arc though, which we would like to examine in outline form.

I. Habs act like they’re all hard.
No one will score for awhile, but there will be much gnashing of teeth by someone who should know better but doesn’t. Like Subban trying to jaw at Malkin because, god forbid, Malkin tried to check him. Get real.

A. Habs will feed off the crowd and look like they deserve it for a minute.

Habs will score some goal or have a big shift, and act like it’s the best day ever. The fans will get really into it and start terrifying everyone. A car fire will erupt in the suburbs unexpectedly.
B. Opposing team will work hard, but feel like they are being choked by stupidity. They will get bailed out by like 2 of their best players to keep things at bay.

II. Talent will reign. Someone will play hockey well (like Malkin or Joey V) and things will seem more even and calmed down for awhile. But, it is well-known that this is a temporary illusion.
A. We will proceed into a vast and godless ocean.

B. The outcome will make no sense and probably involve someone killing someone else.

Like Letang flying across the ice to deal with Subban attacking Gene for no good reason. Malkin had just apparently drawn an interference penalty on Darche? And then Subban was like gjskdlfjlskd. And then Letang was like GET THE JESUSFUCK OFF OF MY RUSSIAN. You can’t make this up, folks. Yet this photo doesn’t really do it justice.

This one is a bit closer.

Letang, in other words, gave zero fucks.

Shootout is ridic, it was won by Plekanec if that gives you a sense for how insane it was.

Malkin’s goal will be talked about for at least ten more minutes, because it shows how much he really thinks of Carey Price to put that kind of move on him.
Fleury was reportedly “furious” after the loss. I mean he definitely didn’t deserve to get scored on by Plekanec.
Everyone is upset that Jason Williams had the game on his stick. We were, too.
But, sometimes the ultimate result of this formulaic existence in Bell Centre is death.

Whatever, we have the Jets on Saturday at home, that should be strange as all hell again.
Jets? Really? Oh Canada.


About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.