ARE YOU KIDDING ME
I HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING AND YOU ARE MAKING ME WATCH SHIT LIKE THIS?!?!?!
I wanted nothing more than to provide you with tacky jokes about Disney franchises and bad photoshops that shows the lazy comedy that we consider our go-to here at PH. But no. No one wanted that from us. No one wanted you to see this:
No one WANTED us to be happy tonight.
Zoe says that our preformance tonight can be summed up in this photo:
That cat looks so serene.
And yet….where is it?
Is this some sort of family operation where a cat can hang out? There seems to be too much soup for that to be the answer.
Is it a store that someone snuck a cat into for a photo opp?
This cat looks too calm.
What happened here? How did we get to this place, where a cat sleeps with soup?
We ask the same of the Penguins.
How did we get to this place where we lost to the Ducks when it looked like MAF would be a brick wall forever and ever and we would never have to worry about the future?
That cat isn’t worried about the future.
I wish we were more like soupcat.
This game was a ridiculous disaster. We really can’t dignify it with any other title.
Also, I hate it when the jumbotron has the audacity to text me when I am g to remind me that we lost.
(The number for game alerts is the same as texting the Jumbotron….so my game alerts come up as messages beamed from the Jumbotron, as though it is my closest robot friend.)
Because the Pens didn’t play too horribly, we can’t be all that upset.
I googled ridiculous disaster to see what would happen, and everything that came up was worse than this game, including, but not limited to:
So while we refuse to dignify this game with a reward show, because handing out rewards for a game like this is as degrading as when the highlight of the game (the Aspen Dental Moment that made you Smile still seems better that the Miller Lite Taste Greatness moment) according to ROOT sports, is either our ONE goal or, worse yet, some great hit that we had, we will say that it wasn’t AWFUL. I mean, watching it was, but in the long run, there have been much worse games.
So that’s really all we’re going to say, internet wasteland. We don’t have to talk about games that we don’t want to, and this is one of them.
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS, YOU KNOW.
We have feelings.
And this game hurt them.
Someone translate this photo for us, in the meantime.
I guess we could take it to our Resident-Russian Stan, but we’ll see if we can spare bothering him to sober up for a few minutes first.