RIP Jordan Staal–the end of an era

Fuck.
So if you live under a rock/hate the Internet, you are the only person who doesn’t know that Staal turned down $60 million over 10 years this week and there were all these ~~~~rumors.
Well, he’s gone. For an 8th overall pick this year (hello to Derrick Pouliot–we weren’t even sure if we wanted you but okay) and BRANDON SUTTER and some kid named Brian Dumoulin who has an amazing Twitter if you’re interested. HE REPS THE GHETTOS OF MAINE, GUYS.

We really, really should have seen this coming because Staal is actually an amazing player with unbelievable potential that really can’t be unlocked when you’re primarily playing with grinders in the bottom half of the NHL depth chart.
What worries us is that we’ve given up a prodigious two-way forward. And that we dumped part of Staal’s salary instead of Paul Martin’s.
We’ll always remember where we were for this:

But heyyyy there Brandon:

Granted, Ehrhoff was balls on this play. Didn’t care. Probably because he plays for Buffalo.
I mean it’s amazing that Sutter can care in Carolina.

Every highlight on YouTube is of Sutter on a breakaway. Interesting.

You can check it out yourself.

We thought the Staal Brothers Drinking Game was dead.
But for a Pens/Carolina game on ROOT, it could reach new dizzying heights.
No one cares about Marc Staal apparently.
It’s going to be the most bittersweet drinking ever.
A battle against Sod Power and Other Powers.

whatever.
Brandon Sutter probably eats babies to stay young and fresh and we’re 100% okay with that.

GO PENS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zoë

About Zoë

living in Boston, chronically fussy, fills recaps with references to Robert Scott's last march and literary theory among other things.

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