As the All-Star Game is the most ridiculous of all this year’s hockey events, I present to you Highlights from PH Commentary on the All-Star Opening Ceremonies.
Kim: I am going to go make myself a stiff drink zoë: WHO IS THIS PERSON PERFORMINGWHAT IS THISthere are cameramnen on skates
Mary: like you do
Kim: MVP = this guy’s sunglassesprotecting him from the powerful UV rays in the dark arenazoë: and his sweet dance movesKim: If only he had a moustache.zoë: hahaha is phaneuf getting boo’dMary: man, i appreciate the consistency of everyone booing at phaneuf all the timeKim: yeah, it’s nice to have something to go back to“The economy has collapsed, our president is an international jewel thief, and we’re no longer allowed to paint walls yellow, but at least we can boo at phaneuf.”Mary: also lupulzoë: BOOOOOOOOpulMary: i would feel bad booing at phil kessel thoughit’s like he has nothing else going on in his lifehe always looks so distraughtzoë: i’m trying to take screen grabs of this stupidity but it’s all going so fastprice = SILENCEcomplete silenceKim: the media is all about these moments
zoë: EVGENIMary: ))))))))))))zoë: him saying the numbers in french too is so disarming
Mary: i think it’s kind of hilariouszoë: i just got a screen grab of chara in front of that stageKim: Waitis that Mike Green?Mary: is that guy still on stageKim: I think this is his debut as an entertainer.zoë: why is EVERY event the NHL puts on like having your brain put into a blender with terrible musicomg jamesMary: hanging up the skates and becoming canada’s michael bublealthough is michael buble already canada’s michael buble?i don’t even knowKim: I am going to use that in my life. zoë: he IS canadiani’m still traumatized from chaka khan at the nhl awards Mary: that whole event was so low-rent and terriblezoë: and THIS isn’t?Mary: oh it isKim: I can’t wait to do this in Columbus.zoë: god do people tailgate the ASG? how drunk can we getKim: VeryMary: well, there is nothing else to do in columbusKim: We’ll need toMary: i will need to numb the pain of being in columbuszoë: this is awkward, this anthemMary: yeah, show us a nice lingering shot of Timmy the PatriotKim: This is some hippy nonsense rendition of my anthem.Mary: AMURRRICAKim: Amurrica indeed, Mary. Amurrrica indeed.zoë: timmy should just take his dick out on TVKim: I love itzoë: “ottawa, the bilingual community.”Kim: Why doesn’t this game ever happen on timeMary: the Ceremonyzoë: get this time to shine song out of my lifeMary: i’ll find a way to muddle throughzoë: it’s like they’re skating in mollasesKim: they’re all hungovermaaaybe still drunkwho knows
Who knows, indeed. But I do know this – this is now the longest possible time before more All-Star Shenanigans.