you_suck_jagr

the end is the beginning

Hello, friends.

And so we came to the end.

Not the end of hockey (thank Curry) but the end of the regular season.

We are fortunate enough to be able to wake up tomorrow and wait on tenterhooks for the playoff schedule to see when next we’ll need to stock up on cheap beer and expensive whiskey. Or when next I’ll need to strongarm the husband into cooking dinner for me while I enjoy the best time of the year.

About all I am hoping for from today’s game is that no one gets injured and that the Flyers minimize the nonsense. 

We can always hope.

PREGAME SHENANIGANS

Please shut up, Mike Milbury. I hope something very unpleasant happens to you.

Our Prettiest Princess is out of the lineup today. Also Steve Sullivan, The Littlest Hockey Player.

MOMENT OF JOEY V IN YOUR FACE

Right off a faceoff, Zolnierczyk and Joey V get into a brawl.
(Note: since this game is not being shown on ROOT Sports, I actually got to see the faceoff.)

joeyv_kicks_ass

I don’t always fight, but when I do, I destroy my opponents’ will to live

MOMENT WHEN ZOE AND I SIMUL-TYPED ‘I LOVE HIM’ REGARDING PASCAL DUPUIS

Happy birthday, birthday boy

Happy birthday, birthday boy. I hope your string of excellence continues

INTERLUDE: AN OBSERVATION

They show a shot of Jagr on the bench and talk about how this is one of his longest scoring droughts ever.

I know that people who grew up in Pittsburgh (like the TKhusband) felt betrayed by Jagr playing for the Flyers this year.
I don’t have that same experience, as I grew up in Colorado watching Patrick Roy stand on his head most of the time (and sometimes refuse to play well entirely).
All the pictures I see of Jagr in Penguins colors are of him fresh-faced and about eighteen or nineteen. His mullet is gloriously fluffy and he looks ready to take on the whole world.

But now Jagr is old. And in the shot they showed, he looked particularly unshaven and haggard.

He reminds me of nothing so much as a drunk uncle at a family reunion who hugs you for just long enough to make it creepy.

The plastic cap makes it classy

What we imagine to be Jagr’s constant companion these days

FIVE MOMENTS OF MAJOR PENALTIES

Zach Rinaldo boards the hell out of Michalek and earns a five-minute major and a game misconduct. So this is how it’s going to be.

However, the Pens fail to score on the five-minute power play. As our esteemed friend @GotKasparaitis said, “The Pens are at an all-you-can-eat buffet, but all they’re having is water.”

Unfortunately, the Pens seem to have let the Flyers slightly more back into the game, after failing to score on the power play and then taking a penalty of their own.

And then this happened.

boo_brayden

Balls.

MOMENT IN WHICH BOBROVSKY WISHES LIFE HAD DO-OVERS

Bobrovsky thinks he makes the save on Kunitz, but he does not.

bobrovsky_vs_kunitz

MOMENT OF GAMESMANSHIP

Beej is now in net. Which doesn’t keep Jagr from scoring.

Go back to your bottle of Early Times

MOMENT OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY

The NBC announcer just called Johnson Fleury.

Makes you miss Steiggy and Errey a little, doesn’t it?

Amid the shenanigans, Jagr gets called for hooking. The Pens power play proves that it’s not the ridiculous farce that it has been in the past, as Crosby scores on the backhand.

LOVE. IT.

MOMENT OF INCOHERENT SCREAMING

Perfection in human form

And that’s all you need to know.

THE ENTIRE THIRD PERIOD

fuck_yeah_malkin

This picture sums up this season nicely. Or at least, what we had hoped this season would be. And what we hope future seasons will be.

ALT THREE STARS

1) Malkin, for 50 goals, cookies, and Russian perfection

2) JoeyV, for kicking ass and always having heart

3) All of us, for a great season and for playoff excellence

Thanks for being here. Thanks for everything. Thanks for what’s to come.

Go Pens.

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