shit_oh_dear

the islanders can suck our balls

Hello, friends.

I have had some plague lately, which is most unfortunate, but it didn’t stop me from witnessing Sunday’s game in person. WHAT A SHOW.

Illness has also not stopped me from applying my sound hockey knowledge (read: blind luck) to my fantasy hockey league, in which I am engaged in a bitter showdown for first place with my friend Dave, who actually, you know, cares and makes trades and stuff. I apply a strategy I call “Root ‘Em” which mostly consists of me picking the guys I like and then cheering really hard for them.

I picked two of three

My team has two of the three guys in this picture. One of them has 19 goals. The other is Sidney Crosby.

I also attribute my success to MAF.
And Brian Elliott.

PREGAME SHENANIGANS

One of the Sedin-bots has a concussion. Can robots get concussions? Did that elbow to the head knock some of his RAM out of place?

I don’t have anything else to make fun of. I am just delighted that we’re playing awesome hockey and that the playoffs are nigh.

MOMENT THAT MADE YOU CRINGE

The Islanders score first. Balls.

PREPARE TO CRINGE

The face on that guy in the background really says it all

MOMENT THAT MADE YOU CRINGE THE MOST

Grabner scores with 3.6 seconds left in the first period. 

Why, Dear Curry, Why

Is there anything more annoying than the Islanders? Because if there is, I haven’t found it yet.

MOMENT WHEN I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF

The first Penguins goal was The Loveliest. We all thought it was Dupuis’ goal, but Kennedy got the blade of his stick just barely on it, so it’s his goal, but I’m so happy that the Pens scored, I don’t even care.

I may have screamed a little bit.

Okay, I screamed a lot.

PRETTIEST PRINCESS MOMENT

Kunitz to Neal. In your mouth.

Please always be the Prettiest Princess

Or, as our dear friend @dupweeee would say, “JAMES NEAL BEFORE ZOD

INTERMISSION

Dinner was ready, so I took a break from recapping, which obviates the need to write anything about the three goals the Islanders scored in rapid succession.

On deck for dinner: Roasted Tomato Soup.
And the husband grilled me a cheese.

MOMENT WHEN YOU WENT “SHIT OH DEAR”

Paul Martin’s elbow and MAF’s head collided with one another.

No one is ever going to hit the jackpot in #paulmartinpowerball

I hope MAF is just shaken up a little and isn’t concussed, because that would just be the extra mayo on the shit sandwich that has been this entire injury-plagued run. Yes, we are currently doing awesome, despite injury, but the point is, WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP.

MOMENT WHEN I GAVE UP RECAPPING THE SHITSHOW

Every so often, a game like this happens. And it makes you want to tear your hair out.

But then a game like Sunday’s game happens, and it’s glorious.

It reminds you why you love hockey.

I love hockey no matter what – the soaring highs, the dizzying lows, the creamy middles.

We wouldn’t want it any other way.

ALT THREE STARS

1. James Neal, always
2. Video footage of the Civic Arena press box demolition, for making Steiggy and Errey (and all the viewers at home) cry a little
3. All of us, because this morning we woke up in Pittsburgh (and not Long Island)

Go Pens.

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