we don’t get embarrassed anymore

Pens played a response game against New Jersey tonight. If ever there was a seed of doubt, we buried it and willed it to be a mother fucking olive tree or something equally elegant.
The Sens are trash, the Devils are almost just as bad. Pens need to play well against any team, obviously, but it’s somehow more important when they’re in your division, when they’re making apparently legal tackles on you at every turn, and when they are still holding Petr Sykora hostage. Sigh.

Pens came out and embarrassed Brodeur. Just really next-level shit from Malkin and Kunitz.

When the skies open next above their heads, it shall rain pure puppies on little poofy clouds.
Brodeur tried to get his mojo back by sliding around in butter during the first period, but it was all for naught.

No baked goods were harmed in the making of this hockey game.
(This information has not been fact-checked.)

But then Fleury basically did the same thing. Had a behind-the-net adventure that went terribly, terribly awry. Om du möter varg. Crosby made a bad play on this.

Late in the period, Jordan Staal used his Long Reach™ to score a goal. It confused Brodeur so much he thought it was a vanload of Twinkies. But it wasn’t. It was the spiritual embodiment of Pterodactyl Sod, or something else that Steiggy and Errey probably yell in their sleep.

oh man


The Devils would never regain the lead, there would be no evil spirits in attendance tonight. Lovejoy, who left with an injury early on in the game, probably used his remaining energy to absorb them. Even the absurdly empty seats couldn’t stop. . .The Pretty Party. The second period really was a pretty party.

Dupuis seriously looks like he is in one of those creepy Friskies commercials.

The beauty of Marek in his natural habitat.
Some hard work by Crosby’s line paid off. Dupuis went in for a sick rebound. Brodeur was stunned.


There are for some reason not pics of the rest of this game yet on the Internet.
Towards the beginning of the third Kovalchuk scored some layup that will probably be conflated into offensive prowess yet again.
Oh then Crosby had some ridiculous breakaway. Made Uncle Dad look average. Which he is average. And fat. And Uncle Dad.
Mostly fat.
Good to get a breakaway back for the team, Sid.
God, remember how having a healthy lineup felt ridiculous in like January of 2009? DO YOU REMEMBER SID BEATING UP THAT GUY ON THE PANTHERS WHOSE NAME WE CAN’T REMEMBER? Ancient history. Maturity? Maybe?
Malkin put home the EN.
Go eat some fucking pizza. It’s late. It’s Sunday.

Honestly if the Pens lose this game in spectacular fashion you probably start to feel just a teensy bit worried about the playoffs. Sometimes you can overcome a bad start but it’s a lot harder to overcome a bad finish. It’s just temporally closer. But the Penguins are giving the top teams in the league (St. Louis and NYR) reason to worry about their stupid regular-season glitter fests.
We generally prefer not to win the President’s Trophy, but we hope that there’s some swagger left to get them through to the end if they do.
These playoffs are going to be kind of emotional no matter what happens with the rest of these games.

Glitter in the bank. Watch the fuck out.
Go Pens.

P.S. Who in the name of tits framed this shot. This is not 9th grade art class.


About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.