Have you ever tried watching a Pens-Bruins game in a Boston sports bar during a home-field series-clinching World Series game for the Red Sox? Let's not downplay the difficulty of this. It was not easy. You could probably get punched for putting hockey on any TV west of Copley Square last night. But we succeeded by pulling back to the keep (i.e. the North End). And this is what we learned:
1. Everyone looks so incredibly good in purple.
this is legitimately garish and lurid and all words in between but somehow it's also kind of amazing. We just did some minor poking into the charitable beneficiaries of Hockey Fights Cancer nights and Komen isn't involved so it's probably okay. We don't necessarily believe "awareness" has anything to do with wearing pink/purple unless the jersey also has information about cancer screenings and risk factors stitched in large letters on the front but okay ~you go fight that cancer~ with this absolutely disgusting, wondrous color combo
2. NBC is on drugs.
Asking this "rivalry" game between the Penguins and the Bruins to be a big deal is kind of hilarious. That said, it was a good hockey game. The first period was just a re-hash of "hey remember how Tuukka Rask is good?" The best thing about watching the first period was the realization that I could not actually hear NBC in the bar because the single TV tuned to the hockey game was on mute. It was like Christmas.
3. Chris Kunitz is like a comforting warm morning muffin or something.
He can wake everybody the fuck up while still being pretty. That goal was pretty cool. Little swish n' flick. On the power play, too, which helped. Because man that power play has been totally asinine.
BONUS: WE DIDN'T LEARN:
why Sid gets so upset during games against like the Bruins and the Panthers. Really what would lead him to get so upset at Torey Krug? We are unsure. We assume that Sid receives some kind of special, divine messages from atop a holy mountain and that the signals got garbled and he interpreted "you should have a nice cup of tea later, fyi" as "KRUG IS THE ENEMY DESTROY KRUG."
no really this made no sense wtf are you doing
4. Brandon Sutter isn't dead.
5. Jussi is still Finnish power.
6. Also Iggy will help them hang around and the Pens will allow a late goal, but we still won, because "almost" doesn't count. At least not right now.
In conclusion: most of this game didn't happen.
The Cardinals lost, that's the main thing that's important.
And also the Bruins lost which makes some kind of poetic Boston-Pittsburgh justice that we don't quite understand but it all makes sense.
EXTRA BONUS: quick Canada news rundown: Toronto is become death, I saw a man on the bus this morning wearing a blank Canucks jersey and a Team Canada scarf and it took me several minutes to realize that this was his Halloween costume–he was dressed as a Canadian. How spooky.