aka possibly the most boring game ever that we ultimately won like bosses
Spring is in the air.
We still miss the original "Boys of Winter" though.
Hopefully Orpik's shield doesn't interfere with his brain again.
Pens come out flying, and yet you're freaking the fuck out when Sid doesn't shoot the puck on what, to us neanderthals, looked like a perfect chance. Nash went to the locker room with some bizarre injury. We hope it's Cheeto-induced. (Must be because he didn't miss a shift.)
Next sequence, Beau approaches with swagger. Henrik is distracted by his beautiful face. Snipe and score.
Unlike the last 2 games, we are back in the saddle quick. Don't even need a swig from our hip flask to get going.
Later someone felt the need to board Crosby which is obviously a penalty. Beau's roller hockey coaches from Cali are in the audience. Ballin'.
MOST REWARDS EXPECTED FOR JUST SHOWING UP
Ryan Callahan blocking shots on the Pens PP with no stick. Lundqvist on a redemption series. Errey says he looks like he is "stuffed with pillows." We're not too sure about that Bobby. Refs think Despres elbowed Hagelin. It's inconclusive. Cry more Carl.
Pens PP looks surgical early on. It's 9 minutes left in the first and we think Fleury just made his very first save. So far the Rangers' situation is all Henrik. The Rangers skaters are about as invested in this as they might be in a casual bingo game. Except maybe Callahan.
Matt Cooke blocked a shot with his foot. Right to the dressing room. God damn.
Mattie feel better.
OH FUCK then McDonough boards Dupuis like crazy. Sid immediately goes to protect him. Crosby and Girardi get matching minors after the hit for roughing. McDonough doesn't get any penalty for boarding because the NHL is great.
If Dupes is hurt on that sequence we try to bomb New York.
Beau was raised in the land of tree-grown mini pizzas, Segway-for-every-child programs, oceans, and inexplicably yellow light. This is my belief about people from southern California (including some dear friends) so every time I meet them I just giggle incessantly.
How many Valley Girl house parties has Beau been to? A lot.
How many times has he made this face after a bonghit?
Oh BeauBeau you are so cute.
MOMENT RICK TRIED
Nash had a chance all alone with MAF, but MAF wasn't having that shit. Huge save. They came out flying and are now about as invested as a church lady at bingo which is a bigger deal.
Bylsma time out after an icing. MAF in everyone's mouth after a weird deflection, too. Rick's moment of Trying has spread to the other Rangers like a disease.
Really though this is an afternoon game if we've ever seen one.
Not too high not too low.
Henrik is trying real hard
i.e. not too good but not too bad either.
mid-period note: Steve Eminger is trash
Nothing else happened in really the rest of the period. Snore.
PERIOD THAT WILL DEFINE THE REST OF YOUR DAY
1pm is a dumb time for a game. You have to get up early if you hope to get anything done before it, and 4pm is an awful time for a game to end. If you got up early enough 4pm is naptime. No one wants to take a nap after a hockey game though.
The Rangers are still hanging around very certainly. MAF has a lot to do with this.
As another PP is about to be farted out and away, TK hops on the second unit and squeaks one through Henrik.
That Henrik face cutout is haunting our children's children.
Rangers barely had time to think about the fact that Tyler fucking Kennedy just scored on their franchise goaltender when they give up a 2 on 1 of some kind and Dupuis scores ever-so-gently. That was embarrassing. . .for the Rangers.
Also: Dustin Jeffrey has 2 assists.
Pens have about nine minutes to not fuck up.
Tanner trips somebody at 7:30ish. Pens with an unusually aggressive PK for late in the period. We could manage this.
job job job. Rangers don't pull Henry.
3-0. MAF shutout.
That was easy. . .a bit. . .too easy.
oh well swaggin'. Pens win.
MAF passes Barrasso's franchise shutout record. We'd like to thank Véronique for this:
we love you, girl. Thanks for sharing your goalie with us.
MAF threw his stick to the crowd. We died.
MOST ENDANGERED CROTCH
unconfirmed Kunitz crotch
BEST FRIENDS EVER
Bobby and Phil
ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
1. Kris Letang – 4 shots on net and 4 shots blocked
2. Dupes – on a roll
3. Brandon Sutter – keep going bb