CANADIAN TIRE SENATORS HOCKEY ON SPORTSNET SPONSORED BY MOLSON BY SCOTIABANK YOU’RE RICHER THAN YOU THINK
Yeah we have the Sens stream for the night. sorry.
This is the most disgustingly Canadian thing ever, possibly. Just like we philosophize about the Swedes, there are good Swedes and bad Swedes, and there’s good Canada and bad Canada. Sportsnet and The Senators as an Entity clearly qualify as Bad Canada. We’re upping our Canadian hate as the Olympic season draws closer. We’re sorry, Canada. A little. We love you but home/irrational patriotism is home/irrational patriotism.
WORST MOMENT WE’VE EVER BEEN THROUGH AS A FAMILY
Early on the game is a lot of dick touching Crosby gets hip-checked by Marc Methot and is sent FLYING into Dupuis who is basically down in a heap. He looks dazed as hell and is helped off the ice by Kunitz and Niskanen. Man down. Shots fired. SHOTS FIRED. Just as Dupes was finding his hands again (poor guy, loses them all the time). God damn it. Not even a family meeting will heal our grief at this point.
Crosby left the bench shortly thereafter and we didn’t find out why. Niskanen also left but it was an equipment issue. Then referee Dean Morton took a puck to the back. The Sens announcers think he may have broken a rib. Then immediately after the Senators took a 1-0 lead. Just trying to keep up here.
Sid returns to the bench after the goal praise baby Jesus. So does the ref.
Ottawa gets a PP though. Good movement on it and a MAF glove save. It’s over. We did it.
LEAST LIKELY TO
Harry Zolnierczyk has forced us to (we think? check us on that) learn how to spell his name because he drew a penalty on this shift. Pens didn’t score on the power play though. Actual quote from Denis Potvin on the Senators PK: “I don’t know what the defense is doing.” Thanks, Denis.
OFFICIAL PH TRASH AWARD
You know we have to give this one to Chris Neil who decides it is his god-given right to manhandle Olli Maatta. That’ll be a penalty. Go sit down. Pens don’t make him pay though and Sens get a chance after the power play expires. Gross.
The Sens get a PP of their own. Brandon gets stoned on a shorty breakaway and then the Sens come back shortly after and score again. Bobby Ryan. Who we forget about now that he’s stuck in fucking Ottawa. Poor guy. Still though. FUCK THE HELL OFF.
MOST SOLID MATTER
Pens get yet another PP because the Sens are trash, but Craig Anderson is dialed in. Something just seems off tonight, and yet the Sens are still playing like dicks, probably because Anderson is playing so well.
Oh and Neil takes another penalty. But the Pens won’t be getting anything going on that one, either.
Can we not?
Might literally be the least interesting Pens game of the season at this point, and not just because we’re losing.
The second ends with the Pens still down 2-0. Okay.
GO TO HELL
Karlsson roofs one early 3rd. Smokes Maatta. Pens were due to have a horrible awful shitty night against a team that we fucking hate. it was time
Nothing is ever going to happen in this game, probably ever.
Sens made it 4-0 after some more Nothingness.
Then Cory Conacher made it 5-0.
to speak in brief tumblr-ese “cna’t even fuck”
Pens got a late PP and Crosby gets hauled down entering the zone. God, the Sens are literally the fucking worst. Then Kunitz slashes someone during the 5 on 3. 50 seconds of 4 on 3. Would be nice to break the shutout. Gotta love Ottawa fans booing Crosby when they’ll be physically dependent on his success to survive come Olympic time. This is fucking stupid.
AWARD FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY
Chris Neil, for existing
done for now.
I will make a holiday post tomorrow to help you chase your dreams.
tell Canada we’re leaving him