Home and homes are like torture.
If we wanted to spend this much time with people who live in New Jersey, we'd just kill ourselves and go to the laundromat in hell.
Alas, hockey makes us see terrible things sometimes.
At least we're getting it out of the way.
Hope you are out of the snow and in your pajamas this Saturday afternoon.
BEST HANGOVER CURE
Assuming you spent the night throwing back straight liquor and watching Netflix instant view until that little box popped up because the company assumed you'd died of alcoholism/loneliness/boredom/heart disease, you didn't feel too great at 1:00 this afternoon.
Feeds are limited, so that adds to the headache if you don't have cable or live in Pittsburgh
But then Clarkson gets called for tripping and we're on the PP 44 seconds in. The nausea ebbs.
Sutter gets a nick of a Despres shot and it's tipped in. Kennedy on the secondary.
You feel like he parked the hangover bus right in front of your house and hooked you up with that sweet IV relief.
Thank you, sirs.
MOST (ANNOYINGLY) FERVENT INDIVIDUALS
The refs are just a mess. They are calling everything. Now, mind you, there's a lot to call that's kind of real…but can't we just let it go?
Penalties are being handed out like the free headaches at the DMV. Between the PPs and the PKs, MAF is the cool, refreshing cumber slices that soothe our weary eyes.
Krys Barch – as if that is a name – takes exception to the fact that Engo is a man with a strong pimp hand. Engo doesn't give a shit about his feelings. They go at it.
Our hearts were cold and empty and sad after Godsy left, but Engo has eased into that spot and made our lives much easier.
CUTEST ENEMY GOAL
The second period is all penalty this, penalty that, MAF being a hero, etc etc. With 3 and a half minutes left in the second, Stefan Matteau manages one past the flower to get his first NHL goal.
Whatever. Sometimes the other team scores. Hockey would suck if they didn't. And honestly, this is how we want them to do it. In a cute way.
MOST WTF MOMENT EVER
Brodeur thinks it's safe to retrieve his lost stick during some Debs possession. Malkin makes a quick attempt at the net. Christmas Ham has to scramble back across the ice to the goal and flub around to block what would have been an empty net goal. The puck skirts along the blue line, and Hammy falls between the net and the puck.
Ham is lollin.
We are too, kind of.
It was worth seeing.
The situation with the refs has gone from "wtf" to "lols" back to "wtf" and then over to "OH MY GOD CAN WE PLEASE JUST PLAY HOCKEY?!" Sure, we're not saying our hands are clean. but sometimes it's just overkill.
The momentum is weird.
Things get jumbled.
Then the Debs start throwing it at the net.
Whatever, whatever, it's suddenly 3-1.
We'll just use the happy Debs goal again. No one gives a shit about the other two.
But still, fuck you guys.
MOST VISIONS OF BABBLING BROOKS
The game plays out like we are angry kids on a school yard. We throw tantrums and get detention time and time again. We'll probably all grow up to be criminals.
We just close our eyes and go to our happy place until it's called.
For some reason Bob Errey is in our happy place.
*shrug* Makes sense.
Sometimes games are fun to watch but don't end in us winning.
This was one of those times.
Pens lose. 3-1
BEST IN SWEATS
I know sometimes it can be hard when someone looks this good, but don't hate.
LEAST AT FAULT
We'll give you our juicebox. You did great.
ALT THREE STARS
1- MAF, seriously, hit us up for that juice.
2- Refs. WAY TO STEAL THE SHOW EVERYONE IS SO HAPPY.
3- Coffee. You made this easier.