foolish forays into hell

Quick updates:

Chicago is winning their series 2-0 right now.  God.  Poor Minnesota.  Anaheim is slowly rolling over Detroit.  All the better for driving in the knife that you aren't a dynasty anymore.
lol Vancouver btw.  no other words on that.  Go Sharks Go.
Los Angeles chipped one away against the Blues.
Sens/Habs is tied.
Caps are up 2-0 on the Rags.  Since "Rags in 7" was our prediction we are a little concerned.  God damn it why didn't I pick AO in my Rinkotology team?
Oh and the Bruins are tied.  They never really got it going against the Leafs.  And while I was wearing a Bruins shirt at the bar last night I am secretly happy about this development.

Okay NBC I have managed to eat my entire fucking breakfast in the time it has taken you to discuss this series to your national audience.

Greasy Boy Canada awaits.  Thanks NBC for the visual.

The scoreboard is flashing BELIEVE.  Man.

Having been to Nassau, it is really a kind of minor league version of what the Civic Arena was.  Old, creaky, filthy, and sounds like it is full of screaming animals.

The Islanders are buzzing early.  We see Tavares skate like a man for the first time.

Isles manage to crash around Fleury with hardcore fury.  No one cared.  No one wanted us to sleep tonight.  Looks like The Coward, Matt Moulson:

Matt Cooke is penalized shortly thereafter.  Isles screamed for a penalty when a puck Dupuis tried to send down the ice was deflected into the stands.
MAF makes some little, possibly game-changing saves on this kill.  We finally get them slightly in discord.  Cooke hammered someone when he got out of the box.

Sid almost saved the world–but the Pens gave it right back and no one can hear you scream in fucking space. Cizikas.

Isles are chanting Fleury, apparently under the impression that the goal was the fault of Fleury rather than abysmal defensive zone coverage.  It's cute when they do that.

Tanner Glass gets penalized for playing hockey probably.  Crucial PK.  So far, so good.  But that doesn't mean anything.

Sid and Malkin take a shift together and Sid almost plays the shift alone on a mountain.  NBC announcers almost ejaculate all over themselves when Grabner gets a semi-break but Niskanen defends him because he's Matt Niskanen.  Going to have to siphon that semen back into your testicles gentlemen.  I know it's hard.

Despres is in this game, btw.  He seems okay.  Okay but maybe a little afraid.

Pens PP gonna get its first chance to take the ice.  Crucial moment.  Mark Streit forgot other people are allowed to skate.

Pens PP takes awhile to get going.  Hamonic shits his pants and attacks Iginla.  Gotta love that the Isles are still trolls.

Tang with the redemption goal from downtown–or was it an Iginla tip?  Doesn't fucking matter.  NBC with the "good heads up play by Kris Letang" comment.  should be a mini drinking game for Kris Letang with his heads up playing.

Iggy city.



After the center faceoff after that goal, Pens are back in their own zone and somehow pass it up to Chris Kunitz onside, who is all alone on Nabby.  Little tiny bit of a move.  Genius.  Smooth.  Gorgeous.  Oh god oh sweet baby jesus god

right back in it.

Trading chances for a few minutes.  Breathing a little easier now.  Crosby streaking down the right wing with Pascal Dupuis going to the net.  This has been our fucking jam all season.  And Tavares was "trying" to backcheck.  Looks like he fucked up.  Sid's absolute drive and the power of his inhuman ass on that goal are the reason that we are obsessed with him, why the world should be obsessed with him.

And a few minutes later the period is over.  What a period.  Probably the biggest deal period of the Pens' playoffs so far.

To start the second, the Pens look patient and awake.  Isles trying to start shit, obviously.

Every shift that Crosby takes he is completely unaffected by the Islanders' attempts to contain him.  It's pretty beautiful to watch.

MAF holding the fort down when the Isles take a few physically punishing shifts.  Malkin can't get his shit going.

Tavares ended up one on one with Douglas Murray.  Guess who won?  Douglas Murray swiped him with his giant man hips.  Nope Johnny.  Frans Nielsen also got himself wide open–but Fleury was on top of that shit, too.

Cooke basically gets high sticked by Carkner who is sitting on the bench because Carkner is a stain.  Cooke punches him obviously.  So 4 on 4 hockey because boys will be boys.

The 4 on 4 is a little speedy but whatevs otherwise.

This ad is horrible, NBC.

Things are getting a little scary. Letang (probably accidentally?  we hope?) elbowed MacDonald in the head as he was falling down.  In typical NBC fashion this is "a good hit."  Please.

Islanders seem intent on destroying Malkin's body.  Travis Hamonic is a shit.
After the Malkin battle Capuano calls time out.  no idea what the intention was with that.  Maybe to tell Hamonic to attack Malkin street fighter style.

Here are some mistakes that NBC has made in this game:

– the dude announcing whose name I don't know keeps mistaking Okposo and Tavares for each other
– Brian Engblom didn't even know which team was winning during the Isles timeout

Hey everyone remember how much we were supposed to hate Douglas Murray for being slow and the worst and useless?
Starts the rush up ice from a pass from Fleury and gets the puck up above the left circle.  Nabokov was clearly not expecting much from that roofjob.
Please god I do not know how this baby can fit out of my vagina (re: being impregnated by the Murray goal).

4-2.  So about that.

The Isles also apparently took a penalty after the goal. Haha remember how good Matt Martin is about things?  Like trying to sucker punch Max Talbot?  He got nasty with Craigsy.  Always a mistake.

Some Isle tries a clear on the PK and Crosby just casually grabs it down.  The amount of good Crosby is still frightens us.

Nothing on that PP though.  And just as Matt Martin tries to act like a hero out of the box, the period expires.  Sorry bros.

Early third period.  Isles have a wide open net that Eaton somehow prevents a goal on.  Holy shit.  Pens get another PP because Brian Strait was bitter.

Okposo got a breakaway though.  Um that was pretty embarrassing.  The Fleury chants sound a lot less stupid at this moment and we're pretty furious.  Nielsen may have made out with Okposo, which honestly, seems pretty appropriate.

next big MAF save and people start killing each other.  This is the game we obviously expected.  Kris Letang is jawing with someone.  I have to imagine that tanger saying dirty things is like watching a unicorn commit shoplifting.

All kinds of time left.  Everything hurts.

My stomach predicted the next goal.  Tavares snipejob from the right side.  Mother of god

Iggy gets called for something immediately afterwards

hugest kill of the playoffs.  Kill this or basically hand the Isles the series, right?

Matt Cooke, as if reading our minds, destroyed Tavares as the Isles are peeled back into their own zone.  Just takes him down hard and clean.  Pens seem determined to defend the net with their lives.

Crosby calms shit down after the kill.  Isles are hitting but his poise is helping us out.  Letang standing up on Tavares.

no idea what is going everything is a blur.  Murray almost scored again after Sid had another prodigious puck possession shift.  Hit the crossbar.

Fleury saves on Moulson with 30 seconds left.  Malkin goes the other way and there's a wild moment where you thought he scored from waaay downtown. . .but no.

It's going to OT.


Last playoffs, we had a song for moments like these.

No idea how to describe OT in words.

Every moment will kill you.

about eight minutes in Sid manages to draw a penalty while taking on the entire Isles team on his own.  Brian Strait is still really bitter.

fuckin ass dicks.  Pens call timeout.

Isles with the big clear at first.  Isles seem poised to ruin everything.  Pens get back and set up shop.  D-men holding the fort up high, down to Sid who is low, and Kunitz is in the trenches of the slot.  Crosby sets him up and he rockets it past Nabby from his knees.

This is how we win this game–bit by bit.

Kunitz is a fucking monster.  And Sid knows how to play this game really well.

5-4 OT in your balls

this is war

Pens didn't play a good game all the time.  But they got the result.  It still counts as a win.  And there's time to get better.  Remember past lessons.  Remember Claude Giroux.  Remember. . .

good night Uniondale

go pens



About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. Writing about the Penguins, the CWHL/women's hockey, and hockey/sports media criticism.