fuel the fire.

The truth is that playing the Sens right now should be thrilling.
As a potential first round match up it should be hard fought. 
As our chance to cash in on a perfect record against the Sens, it should be exciting and rewarding. 
Danny has that bottle of champagne for his 200th ready on ice.
In the end, we know there's going to be a lot of griping about Mattie, a lot of penalties exchanged, and boo-birds abound. 
Here's hoping we can all rise above and enjoy some good ole frenzied late-season hockey. 
Awards will obviously be in order.
CUTEST SCRATCH
MAF is abandoning us tonight, but that's okay, because we are far more deserving of being abandoned than his perfect wife and brand new daughter. We don't even bring tiny shoes to the equation, you guys. We never had a chance. 
Get excited.
The baby-in-the-Cup photo opportunities are mind blowing.

MOST FAVORITE DICK
It's clear from the start that this is going to be an event largely focused on how much Matt Cooke is in everyone's head. Mattie, who has been nothing but professional about it, isn't taking shit for an accident, but everyone is all riled up. 
The Sens fans are booing Mattie every time he touches the puck, because it is the most boring thing they can possibly think of to do. 
The whole scene is gross and it makes it that much sweeter when Morrow gets a cute pass over to Dustin who gets a mouth-watering one-timer into the net.

He's a dick, but he's our dick. 
Also, p.s., Dustin's rage over being a recurring guest rather than a co-star is translating into some really amazing play. Hunger looks good on him. 

PRETTIEST PRETTIEST PASSER
Morrow doesn't even wait much longer before setting up another insane pass because he doesn't have time to mess around like some of these other children. Iggy picks it up with ease in front of some open net and puts it in. 

For normally holding it down, Anderson is really being the piece of gum I stepped in yesterday.

BEST OCULAR PAT-DOWN 
Penalties are flying left and right to no great end. Every whistle ends in a tiff, and finally it boils over with Brooks and Neil having words. It gets a little too heated for Mac, who has been visually assessing the threat level, and he steps in to do his job. 

It's excellent to see Mac stepping in. No reason for Brooks to be fighting, as much as we sometimes daydream about it. Mac got a 3rd man in for this, which is soff as hell seeing as this wasn't even a fight. 

Meanwhile, Bortuzzo is off to the side dealing with Smith in an actual fight.

Fists all around!
Also, mustaches all around!

I see some stache envy in that other dude.
Tragedy. 

It ends up with the Sens going into the second with a PP on hand. If Sutter keeps owning the PK like he has been? No problem. 

MOST ENRAGING ALLEGED TRADITION
50 bucks to whoever brings us that bugle or trumpet or whatever. Dead or alive.

WORST TASTING CROW
As penalties fall from the sky left and right, the goaltenders are looking pretty strong.
The officials are trying to keep up – some of it ends in bullshit, but really, they're doing okay for such a messy game. Not the worst thing we've ever seen. 
No…no…that comes later, in the form of Tyler Kennedy doing this:

Thanks, TPb! Sort of. Staring at this over and over makes our stomachs hurt.
We're still not jumping ship.
But come on, TK. You aren't making it easy for us. 
Redemption?

DJ gets clipped on the cheek, poor fellah, he's down the runway but will almost certainly be back for the third.

TINIEST LITTLE PK
Morrow gets a penalty that starts with a faceoff in our zone. Alfredsson and Gonch just kill it at the facebook and get it to Wiercioch just in time to call it a PP goal. 
Pens get up fast on the PP but get no answer. The edge of the seat is officially occupied. 

MOST CONFUSING ONGOING DRAMZ
For some reason Neil and Murray keep happening into one another, as if that is even a thing that should happen. 
I mean, Neil is a disgusting monster, but he's not going to get anywhere with Murray.
I think we just keep him chained in the basement on off days and feed him raw meat. 
I'm just saying, we're afraid for a man's life here.

MOST OUTRAGEOUS WISH FULFILLED
When you ask TK for redemption, you maybe don't totally expect it.

SHAME ON YOU.
Cookie made it happen for him, setting up a pretty sweet play, but TK finished on it like he had something to prove.
…yeah.
Thanks, TK. We needed that from you.

We cruise into the end of the game, Vokoun standing strong in the face of a few good chances. 
Pens win.

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS 

MOST PIMPIN'
Seriously, Danny.
Fastest to 200 wins? 
We don't like our men to rush, but in this case, we're ecstatic. 
Also awarded to Vokoun for those sweet 300 wins. 

MOST OVERLY BLONDE
Just a second here to address this, you guys: Jussi, thank you for leaving the black mouth guard at home. 
Now, can we talk about this hair situation?
We need you to blend here in the 'burgh here a little more. Rust belters don't trust this look. Let's get you a freshman dorm room dye job soon, k?

ALTERNATE THREE STARS

Mattie – Keeping cool with all that extra attention. 
Mac – Stand by your man.
Crosby – For being our spirit animal. 

With playoffs are disorientingly close and half of our lineup in suits, it's so comforting to see us stay calm and work hard for a win. The penalties could have been controlled a little bit more, especially with a couple of To Much Man, but we can't say we didn't see it coming.
Still.
Let's cinch it in at the waist, you guys.
Keep strong. You're making it happen.
We can never say it enough.
Go Pens.

 

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