measuring stick

Jesus Christ I just sat down to type and the fight is already happening what the hell. Thanks, Blues.

Okay, so let's skip the ridiculous expo for this game and get to a half-assy recap. The Blues are good and it'll be interesting to see what we look like up against them. Just pretend I said something about goaltender breakfast cereal preferences and threw in a couple of your mom jokes and let's dive right in.

(P.S. I'm totally bonin' your mom.)

MOMENT YOU WERE MORE JAZZED FOR THAN NECESSARY
Is this game at 8? Yeah, 8. Quick, turn off the Netflix docudrama about dolphin murder or trans fat or the latin queens or whatever and get Root up there on the scre- what the whaaat! Reaves and Engelland start circling right off the faceoff, and you get ecstatic because, let's be clear, fights are super entertaining. They throw a few punches and eventually just bow out because it wasn't as exciting as anyone wanted it to be.

We miss helmets coming off tbqh. We'll gripe about it at another time. 

PRETTIEST NOTHING
The first period of this game is a perfect example of how nothing, score-wise, can happen in a game and it can still be exciting and engaging and not at all stale and upsetting like the second of the CBJ games played recently. 

Sutter gets a chance with a wrister, Halak says no. Sobotka gets a chance on us and Orpik and MAF team up to tell him to eat a dick. Bobby gets a little too excited for a faceoff and basically tells Steiggy to shut it. It's as hilarious as you would expect. All in all everyone is on their game and it's fun to keep up with it above the sound of bonghits in the press box.

MOST SORTA-HEARTBREAKING
Fantastic breakaway chance for Sid at the end of his shift after Oshe decides passing is a hilarious joke he wants to tell everyone. Halak makes it look easy. Sid was tired but you still wanted it so bad. Sigh.

A few minutes later Neal gets on that goes just off the side to put you even more on the edge of your seat, just in case you felt comfortable. Malks decides to take a break in the penalty box because he heard they had cookies, and the Blues get a few seconds of PP before we go into intermission.

PASTRY MOST FILLED WITH ANTS
We kill the penalty at the beginning of the second, and to celebrate Nisky has a gross turnover that allows the Blues to cash in. MAF tries to say no but chokes on the straw of his juicebox.

The shadow that pastry casts is like the shadow in our souls. A+ photography.

Bobo comes THISFUCKINGCLOSE to tying it up almost immediately, but God has never liked us that much, probably because we wear skirts and drink and wink at boys. That one's on us, guys, sorry.

MOST UNEXPECTED
The Pens get a PP and we decide to not do what we do best with PPs (which is to say jack shit) and Jussi makes a nice play at the blue line to keep it in, which ends up being a gift to himself as he ends up chipping it past Halak's skate. 1-1. 

MOST SIDE-EYEING
Brooksy goes to the box for winking at the ref and chirping "tell your sister I said hi." Maybe. There was no other reason, so we assume that happened behind the scenes. We kill it, obv. 

If you weren't squinting hard enough at the refs, Glass and Stewart each get 10 minute conducts for ???////

Sid gets a sick chance at a redirect and misses it, and before he can kick himself for it, Bouwmeester crosschecks the shit outta him, much to the hilarious disregard of the refs. We all head into the third laughing and pretending to be pals while scrawling hate messages about one another on the bathroom walls.

MOST JUICEBOXES REVOKED
MAF has a hard time tracking a puck about halfway through the third and it trickles through 5 hole. It's gross and we don't want to talk about it. We're not blaming MAF alone but maybe no more juiceboxes on the ice okay.

BREAKING NEWS
Bobby tells us we need one to tie it up. Thanks, Champ. That's some in-depth commentary.

MOST JUICEBOXES ALMOST IMMEDIATELY REINSTATED
A 2-on-1 emerges in our zone and Steen gets a chance to absolutly slam a wrister towards the net. MAF comes up HUGE with the safe. We almost say that we are giving him back his juice, but then realize that hanging it over his head is a much more effective system.

We'll have to remember for next time, though, because the clock runs out with us behind.

Booooo.

INDIVIDUAL AWARD

SECOND MOST LIKELY TO FLY TO THE MOON

Tell Chris we said hello.

ALT THREE STARS

Brooks – How many shots can you block?
BoBo – Omg how could we not
Scottrade Center Music Selections – I mean really. 

So the game was pretty hard fought and we don't feel bad about much that happened, other than the whole not winning part. The Blues are a good team to go up against to get an idea of where you stand, and from what we saw, we're pretty happy with how we did.
We'll work out the kinks and come back stronger.
Also, hey, at least we have never losing again to look forward to. 
Go Pens. 

Kim

About Kim

I bleed Pittsburgh but also blood and I need that, so please don't cut me.

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