preseasonal affective disorder


Zoe and I are well aware that it's taking us a little bit longer than usual to get to it this season. Existential crises aside, it's hard to get it up for preseason after the showing we had in the playoffs last season. Preseason barely matters – sure it's important for the lil' guys trying to show their worth, giving everyone time to get used to working together, and to generally warm up after a long off season…but try telling that to us while we're still sitting out back in sun dresses, breath reeking of gin fizzes, saying "nooo, it can't be hockey season yet, you horse's ass! It's still summer!"

No. Really. Try telling us. We'll start screaming in a panic and get our keyboards sticky with our peach juice soaked fingers as we frantically search for the new password to our game feeds. Shortly, we'll be crying into a shot of bourbon and a can of Modelo, feeling those horrifying feelings that come with preseason: excitement, confusion, fear of colder weather, elation, and that hollow feeling in your gut only comparable to the moment at 3 a.m. when you wake up in a cold sweat after a fight with your significant other, questioning the meaning of your fleeting existence on this rock screaming through the cold void of space as every moment brings you closer to your eventual erasure from consciousness and everything you understand. 

Last night it was noteworthy that Chuck Kobasew scored two goals for the Pens – both because you know nothing about him, and because they were exactly the goals you would expect if you knew anything about him, which is to say right in the crease. Just some FYI: bagged some of his best seasons in the late oughties with the B's before being shipped to the Wild and later the Avs, where he didn't fare as well. Married to a lady named Krissy. Apparently there are babies involved. We approve.

BeauBeau looked good last night, approaching the game with a little bit more confidence in his own shooting abilities. James was also excellent. Overall a good showing for a firstplay, despite the OT loss. It's the Jackets in preseason. *shrug* Most alarming of all was MAF's post game interview, during which he said normal MAF things without a single MAF smile. Look for hooded figures on the horizon. 

Try to remember when things were Good and Warm and you mixed your drinks with something rather than throwing them directly down your throat with absolutely no consideration for your mortality. It seems so long ago now…

What were they called again? Cocktails? When did we have time for that? What was off season even like?

Tonight…well. Losing to the Red Wings always hurts just a little, even though the hate fire that used to burn in us is largely extinguished. They're kind of whatever and really, have you ever been to Detroit? Try it. You'll remember what laughter feels like. 

Overall it was a wash.We didn't get too good a feel for Maatta, which was really the most highly anticipated feature of the night for us. The hybrid icing rule is kind of whatever. Nothing too much happened other than the fear of the regular season ballooning up in your chest as you tried to casually ask your less-emotionally-involved-in-sports friends what was going on with the Steelers to try to distract yourself. 

We'll be here for you with varying degrees of involvement in reality throughout the rest of preseason. Regular season will bring us back to you in full force. Prepare yourself for alcoholism, ogling,  word finds, and breakfast food. 

We've got a long way to go this year, folks. Cherish those fading memories of carefree days while the secret hockey police force still allows you have them.

Dangerous times are ahead.
But as you all know, we're never losing again.
Go Pens.


About Kim

I bleed Pittsburgh but also blood and I need that, so please don't cut me.