The Isles are the worst.
It's just so little-brother-ish of them to be the way they are, and be around…just…constantly.
We have to try to get into a zen frame of mind when it comes to Isles hockey.
Just so we don't have to rip our teeth out.
Let's get this over with.
MOST INTERESTING MOTIVE
Everyone was asleep for the first few minutes.
We're going to go ahead and call "residual daylight savings effects" because, well, why not.
All of a sudden, Martin tries to mount Craigsy.
As if he were a pony.
We are all uncomfortable. We're not sure if it was a fight gone awry, or overwhelming desire.
Who's to say?
After a very relaxing commercial break, the Isles have to immediately go and bring down the mood.
To quote a friend from high school:
"Get the drunk bitch out the hot tub, she's bringing down the mood. Drainnnnnn."
But the really terrible part was the rest of the first period, because you'd rather eat one of those butter sculptures from the county fair than have to sit through another period where we looked so tired.
Eat it all.
It's starting to get scary in the second period – is this going to be the butter thing all over again?
But nah, Vokoun does some awesome things, Nabby had to sweat over a few close calls. It isn't totally boring, so it's a huge upgrade. We need a hero, though, to push us over the line.
Vitale, dark horse candidate for the "hero" position, puts one behind Nabby, and it's pretty much the highlight of the night.
MOST USELESS SUPERPOWER
Vokoun spends a whole five minutes of robbing the Isles of hard shots left and right.
It's becoming sort of a rampage. You know it's bad that the D isn't stopping this, but you know, maybe this will be a HISTORIC MOMENT for Vokoun?!
Wishful thinking is our hidden power.
Still, great showing from Vokoun overall in the second.
The clock's almost out for the second, and it's depressing to think that we might go into intermission behind.
The first line makes magic happen, of course, and Kunitz gets it in.
Media – what are you, hourly?
We go into the break tied.
As is usual, the Penguins both hear and respond to our complaints.
Just another Friday.
Sutter was worried we wouldn't be entertained in the third.
He wants to prove that they woke up and everything is okay.
How much does it hurt you that you will NEVER HAVE A HUG THAT AMAZING.
The Isles just start to fall apart. Again.
They even get a PP and it's just…so sad.
It's tears for them.
We kick it back and forth for a while, and then they pull Nabby for the extra attacker.
They FURIOUSLY defend the empty net. More furiously than they have played all game.
But finally, so close to the buzzer it had to be reviewed, Dupes puts in number 4.
BEST ACID TRIP
OH THE SATURATION.
What member of the media is turning in this work?
ALT THREE STARS
1. Gin. For fueling this post.
2. Garageleague, for everything it does for us
LOOK AT NEAL AND DUPES. LOOK AT THEM.
AGAIN AND AGAIN.
3. Find the third star, lurking in the background.
Okay, seriously though,
enough with the Isles.
GET OUT OF OUR ROOM.
11 and counting.