stress boner

The lines were gettin' switched up at practice today so it'll be fun to see what happens during this game. Gibbons is shrouded in mystery but we do know that he's shorter than Kim so that's pretty cute. BeauBeau is playing next to Sid and we have stars in our eyes as we write his name with curly-q's on our notebooks. It'll dull the pain of playing against Benny Lovejoy.

Here's hoping for a good game: as Zoe said, "I hope the Ducks don't eat us." Ducks don't have teeth, do they?

Oh my. Idk wtf that shit is, but let's hope it's a goose.

We know how to deal with ducks in Pittsburgh luckily. Let's hope we remember how it's done:

Had to do it. Sorry. Awards time.

MOST EMBARRASSING
The period starts out with the Ducks clearly controlling play. MAF gets a good save on Perrault. Vitale smashes Sbisa and he gets a little lippy but nothing exciting happens. Little things happen here and there, but by the time we're halfway through the first, we still don't have any points on the board.

Which. You know. Is ridiculous. Benny Lovejoy is even getting some action at the Penguins net, and we can't produce anything. The clock keeps ticking.

Maatta tries a slapper. BeauBeau tries to get something going off a pass from Sid, nothing. We don't get an official shot on goal until 18 minutes into the game. 

Luckily, MAF is holding it down on his end.

 

MOST PRODUCTIVE 2 MINUTES
The last two minutes of the period actually make it look like we decided to get up, steal a hoodie from the floor to throw on over last night's dress, grab an giant bottle of Gatorade and try to face the world through oversized sunglasses. 

Engelland gets a slapper that Fasth finds despite some good traffic, Neal tries a neat little wrister, and Martin takes a try with a slapper himself.  

BIGGEST IMPROVEMENT
Luckily the end of the first period seemed to foreshadow the bulk of the second period, which is to say a massive improvement in shots on net and puck control overall. 

While the Ducks still lead in shots, Fasth has really had to step his game up a little. Thank God. We'll save "ritualistic suicide" as an option for next time we are publicly shamed. 

Unfortunately he stepped it up a little too much, leading us to the third period still tied at nothing. 

MOST UNLIKELY
Malkin, Glass and Gibbons – because hey, why the fuck not – decide to finally put something together. A nice backhander from Malkin gets right to Gibbons, who escorts the puck home, but not before getting a home run with it behind the bleachers. It's his first time and it's oh so right.

PRETTIEST PRINCESS FOLLOWED BY TRASH
Maatta throws the puck at the net not a minute later, and Sutter finds it to get the smoothest, sweetest, most lovely redirect ever. 

Seconds later, however, it's like the bar closed and everyone has scattered and is confused and lost and forgets if they parked in B5 or R1. MAF thinks his keys fell under the bar and is crawling around on the sticky wood when the Ducks cash in on the confusing amount of mayhem. 

MOST RELIEF
Tbqh we really needed this win tonight, so when Sid cashes in on Fasth being totes screened, we're happy to have a little bit of space to breathe and imagine what it's like to not be depressed and crying in a pile of dirty laundry. We manage to keep the lead to the final buzzer and wrap it up with a solid 3-1. 

Pens win.

INDIVIDUAL AWARD

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE STRESS BONER

Someone tell me how to feel.

ALT THREE STARS
Gibbons – probz a double, but deserved
MAF – held it down while we had our heads in the toilet
Fasth – because the first period had to be so boring for him. 

Well, the last game we played was something we'd all rather forget, so at least we now have some buffer space in our minds. Tonight started out pretty dark but I think we saw what was happening and reeled it back in. Let's keep the engine warm, guys.
Go Pens.

 

Kim

About Kim

I bleed Pittsburgh but also blood and I need that, so please don't cut me.

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