Troutgate

The Preds have a weak offence and are generally not something we worry too much about, but in the wake of losing to the Flyers who are basically corpses in skates, we’re not taking anything for granted.

Paul*Mart is a Thing that is worth being excited about. We missed his beautiful shining American face.

LAMEST
It takes about two and a half minutes of gametime for, idk, like, dark magic to turn the puck into a trout. It thrashes around a bit in front of our net, before flopping behind MAF. It’s really stupid. Here, watch this instead:

MOST DELICIOUS COCKTAIL

The Preds get 2 for too much man, and not much happens. BeauBeau and Tanger try to make something work, but it doesn’t. 

Finally D’agostini and Dupes make magic (the good kind, not the trout puck kind) happen off a faceoff and Dupes puts it right into the net. It’s pretty much the exact opposite of lava engulfing a can of Chef Boyardee.

The D’agostini is totally a drink recipe you can look forward to in the coming days. Spoiler: orange peel will be the garnish.

MOST SAND THROWN INTO EYES
Shortly following Duper’s goal, Ellis gets called for interference on Sutter. Malkin gets a mean slapper and the redirect from Neal gets it into the net. You get the feeling that it was a giant fuck you for the first goal. Troutgate, we’re calling it. 

We go into intermission one ahead and feeling pretty good.

ALARMING NEWS
The Preds goal tending coach’s name is Mitch Korn. We fact checked it. 

WILDEST CARD
We’re kinda killing it as far as offensive pressure at the beginning of the second, not the least of which is Jussi, Neal, and Malks setting up a pretty chance. The puck went from Neal’s stick to Mazanec’s glove and everyone is kinda stunned.

The pressure finally pays off with a bad angle shot from Tanger that goes off Mazanec’s knee. The whistle is blown and there’s some review to make sure that the puck went over the line before the whistle, but the overhead cam makes it obvious.  

We love you, Tanger.

IMPORTANTEST THING
The middle bits of the period are pretty cool idk. Nothing too huge happens. A powerplay, some chances, blahblahblah Here, look at this beaver, listen to the sound it makes.

Some games we’re easily distracted, and one of those games is playing against the Preds with a two point lead. Just trust us to give you the most important information.

MOST CONSIDERATE
To make sure we don’t go into second intermission distracted by every shiny thing Jokinen gets a drop pass to Sutter who wrists towards the puck. It bounces off the crossbar and into the net.

Still worried we may be thinking more about nature documentaries than what is happening on the ice, Glass and Nystrom get into it. Glass gets in a final punch after Nystrom’s helmet comes off, and he gets up from the ice a little shaky. He makes it off the ice with some help and we’re always happy to see someone make it out without any debilitating injuries. Cut over the eye: fine. Concussion: never cool. 

THIRD PERIOD AWARD
You know the deal. Nothin’ happens in the third period, we get lazy. 
Pens stitch it up nice and neat 4-1. Woooooooo!

INDIVIDUAL AWARD
MVP: NASHVILLE

 

ALT THREE STARS
Mitch Korn – no srsly it checks out
MAF – Can’t be blamed for renegade fish
Tanger – someone get that kid a cowboy hat and a lucky poker chip.

A lotta games happening in the coming days. Obviously we hope they’ll all be this easy, but tbqh we don’t think that’ll be the case. But this is an opportunity for some great momentum and we have all of the tools to cash in on it.
As always, we’ll be following right along, making dick jokes in their wake.
Go Pens. 

Kim

About Kim

I bleed Pittsburgh but also blood and I need that, so please don't cut me.

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