Due to dramatic personnel issues, harmful neurotoxins, and a visit from men in the stealthy black helicopters, the next two PH recaps will be in Abbreviated Format. The holidays are stressful and mental/emotional/physical exhaustion are real, especially when you are on the run from the man and really just wanted to sit on the couch tonight without taking game notes on the computer. Sorry. Send your bill to my assistant.
Also, as a quick editor's note, my father sent me a Penguins snuggie via priority mail, which I received today. The snuggie is now undefeated.
Arguably, this was the most exciting/interesting game between the Pens and Devils since the late Triassic period, when the game was being played by small cephalopods. No film survives from these brutal tilts.
We feel for the Devils because the arc to this game must have been painful for them. Basically, Cory Schneider lays an egg in the first period. Should have probably been 1-0 but his puck control was egregiously bad. The first goal should have never happened. No idea how Schneider loses that.
The Conner goal shortly thereafter was a mini-breakaway for Conner. We'll allow it as real.
The third goal was the result of a ridiculous rebound that Schneider gave up, right to Megna, who is so obsessed with hustle that it burns our eyes sometimes.
After the first period, the Devils were determined to win. Hellbent on it. There are Stanley Cup Finals games where you don't see teams forechecking so aggressively. The Pens fell back to the keep and only barely survived. Two iffy goals got past MAF largely due to general confusion, but the Devils had life, and they were going to fuck shit up before the mass extinction.
The fact that the Pens even drew breath during the second and third periods was due largely to one man.
MAF was out of this world. The cephalopods in the crowd said it reminded them of the good old days.
They also said that Anton Volchenkov was playing like a regular cynognathus, eating everything in his path. They wept at the brave battles fought by the New Jersey Devils. But they couldn't get through Fleury in the end.
And all was good. The meteor has yet to come.
ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
1. Joe Vitale – still a hell of a player. Only reason the Pens had a remotely respectable faceoff percentage.
2. Anton Volchenkov – as we wave our handkerchiefs to you from the balcony, going to probably be one of Russia's best players in Sochi
3. we don't know it's bedtime. Jagr? shut up
Go Pens. Stadium Series jerseys are okay. We're mostly jazzed for the Olympics, so. Bye.