yawnzers

Home and homes are boring and awful let's be real. We love CBJ, we love (and maybe feel a little guilty about) the Pens fan showing in Columbus, but really, switch it up for us. We can't care this consistently no matter how many times Bobby says "rivalry." 

What I'm saying is that I have a short attention span. You may have a magnificent attention span and disagree with me entirely about home and homes. But here we are. Let's just do what everyone else is doing and waste time talking about how many Pens fans are in Colu-

What was I saying? God that was getting so boring. 

Oh my god let's just go. Make it exciting and shiny, boys. 

MOST SPIRITED
But okay really, the Pens fans are showing up strong with the Let's Go Pens chant. Let's Go Jackets is coming back strong, though, and we can't help but think that a little fan insecurity in the face of so many away fans is maybe good for the Jackets fans' spirit. We really love them. When we go to CBJ home games and see opposing team couples, like a Pens jersey holding hands with a CBJ jersey, we melt all over the ground.

Sports are so romantic you guys omg.

LEAST SHINY
The first 10 minutes are basically a test to see how much I care to cling to this thing we call life because literally nothing exciting is happening. The Pens are controlling the play super nicely, there are a few unsuccessful wristers fired, and generally it is just really clean, nice hockey. Blachhh. 

In the second half of the first Dupes gets a pretty great chance that makes you jump out of your seat in hopes of something actually materializing. No dice. You're starting to wish that Jared Boll would meet you in the ally behind the arena and give you whatever it is he's got today.

Hint: Something strong, as per usual.

SOMETHINGEST THING OF THE FIRST PERIOD
Malkin draws a penalty in front of the CBJ net like a boss, giving us a PP for the last minute and a half of the first. Some messy work on our end creates a good chance for a CBJ 2 on 1 shortie, but Letang is in the slot to shut it down. 

We head into intermission with a score that reflects perfectly what has happened in the game.

QUITE POSSIBLY THE BIGGEST TEASE
The second starts with another shortie chance for the Jackets but 
Zatkoff stands tall. The PP winds down, thank god, because it was not really looking like our night for cashing in on it. 

The Jackets are looking pretty solid right outta the gate, but so is the Pens D. Malkin gets a good chance off a faceoff, and the play starts to pick up speed a bit. Both teams have been playing it safe, but now it looks like we're flirting with the idea of making a game of it. Please don't play with my heart, guys.

MOST SATISFYING CONCLUSION OF FLIRTATIOUS BEHAVIOR
Vitale makes a real solid pass to Engo from the right corner and Engo fires a wicked shot that goes flying past McElhinney's glove hand. 

No photos have surfaced, so please enjoy this treat:

Billy G's name is dropped and we feel all tingly inside. The ragtag crew that is the 4th line is basically our favorite.

WRONGEST INTERPRETATION
Suddenly there is an onslaught of penalties. The Jackets get a PP for a bit, then Tanger gets restless and tries to murder someone and Umberger gets in on the penalty funsies. This all ends in a 4 on 4 and everyone on the ice is all YOU WANTED IT TO BE MORE EXCITING RIGHT and truth be told I am kind of happy that things are going on in the game now but did we really have to decide the way to inject some life into the game was a clusterfuck of penalties?

Maatta gets a swell chance once the penalties die down and the speed of the game is now something we can all be proud of. Until Jared Boll gets a little too frisky with Tanger on the boards, and Tanger behaves like a gentleman about it, leaving us with a PP. The game is getting kind of angry. Yaaaay! Unfortunately our PP looks like our PP, and we come away with it with nothing and finish out the period leaving it at 1-0.

RADDEST
FYI Jared Boll is just a few minutes shy of 1,000 career penalty minutes, echoing his number of career bonghits. 

MOST EMBARRASSING
The beginning of the third brings an own goal from Comeau, credited to Kunitz. 

Just a lovely shot, really :/

We don't want to talk about this. An own goal is only a victory when it's a team you really really hate. But hey! 2-0

WORST RESURGENCE
It's of the boringness again. The second period was really the only one where we escaped it. It's just kinda safe play.  Whatevs. Jokinen snags the empty net. 3-0.

INDIVIDUAL AWARD

MOST MISSED FEATURE

Srsly guys when was the last time.

ALT THREE STARS
Jared Boll – Seriously? Almost a thousand penalty minutes? You think he'd be more mellow. Maybe due to some strange sponsorship he gets a taco bell taco for every one? Someone keep an eye on him in the penalty box. See if he comes out with wilted lettuce on his jersey.
Zatkoff – QT
CBJ Fans – QTs

Whatevs. You can't get 60 minutes of super edge-of-your-seat hockey every night. The second period redeemed the game. 
We'll take it.
Go Pens.

Kim

About Kim

I bleed Pittsburgh but also blood and I need that, so please don't cut me.

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